Relationships have the extraordinary power to allow us to grow as individuals and challenge us in new ways. Unfortunately, this couldn't be further from the truth when a person ends up dating someone who is toxic and manipulative.
Matthew Hussey, a relationship expert who has appeared on media platforms such as "The Today Show" and "NBC's Ready for Love," talks about the five major signs that you are dating a toxic person.
1. They look to inflict damage, not solve problems.
In a healthy relationship, two people have the ability to come together and constructively solve their problems. Comparatively, a person in a toxic relationship tries to damage their partner in an attempt to protect themselves. They will not choose to collaborate with their partner, and if they feel insecure about something their partner does or plans to do, they will attack, often in a revengeful fashion.
2. They treat everything like it's an attack.
If a person confronts or displays any sort of discontent with their partner, the toxic person chooses to respond defensively and aggressively. Matthew Hussey explains that this is a toxic person's method of manipulation, and will leave their partner feeling like they have to walk on eggshells around them. Often the individual dating the toxic person no longer speaks their mind in situations of conflict or excessively contemplates the perfect word usage to where they will not offend their partner. Constructive criticism is no longer a factor in the relationship.
3. They make you the root of all problems.
Whenever a toxic person deals with a problem, they choose to direct their point of anger and frustration onto their partner. An issue that once seemed very characteristic to the toxic individual is now "your fault", leaving you the root of all evil. Instead of taking responsibility for their problems, they will use every manipulation tactic they can in order to persuade you that you are at fault. Over time, this is immensely damaging to the person's belief system and self-image.
4. They show you the most love when you're hurting.
A reoccurring pattern for the toxic person is to withhold love and affection until they have effectively broken down their partner. In this state of weakness, the toxic person feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable and provide emotional security because they feel they are in a state of power. No longer is it considered a weakness to express love and compassion, often leaving their partner confused and running back to them.
5. They are uncomfortable with your success.
A toxic person will belittle their partner's accomplishments and aspirations. Matthew Hussey explains that the toxic individual will either find a problem with their partner's goals and successes or try to dull down their accomplishments and make them appear minor and insignificant. They may even detach themselves and become distant with their partner in an attempt to make them feel unimportant. Toxic people prefer when their partner is weak and they know they can manipulate them.
A relationship should only be a factor in our lives if it is contributing to our overall mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. Toxic people are hurting deep down, and want others to feel the way they do. They do not want to see their partner happy and living their fullest life because that is terrifying to them.
Johann Goethe once said, "We are shaped and fashioned by those we love." Make sure the people in your lives are shaping you to be the best person that you can be.
