The college dating scene is one-of-a-kind. It is one of the only times where most people are still in the process of finding themselves, but are also franticly in search of a partner with whom they can share the journey. Dating in itself is hard, and it is especially challenging when you may not see all the warning signs before they’re slapping you in the face. Coming from someone who has witnessed many undateable guys, I can now recognize them from a mile away. My travels have taken me through some great times and some not-so-great times, and I am now bestowing upon you the gift of identifying the reddest of flags when in search for a stand-up guy; just consider me your undateable college guy connoisseur.
1. He lives in a “Trap House”
If he and his friends refer to their apartment as trap house and they're not joking, you probably don’t want to be spending all your time there. If you're looking for the real deal, you probably don't want to be cuddling with your man in the ever-so-romantic aesthetic of his alcohol and drug infested living quarters. If there’s any chance this guy could have a run-in with the law, or if he just thinks it gives him street cred with his bros to call his apartment a trap house, he’s not someone you should want to date. If his daily activities revolve around making sure everyone knows about his illicit drug use, he’s probably not mature enough to handle a real relationship.
2. He only calls to hang out after 10 p.m.
His texts at this hour usually consist of repetitive begging, along with some compliments about how he wants to see your “pretty face,” or claims that he “just wants to cuddle and watch Netflix” with you. Mind you, these are quotes from actual guys, retrieved via my text message inbox. We know the lines, and we should all know that it’s almost never just about watching Netflix. Don’t give in; remember that there is a difference between being wanted and being lusted over. He is most likely only interested in the physical aspect of a relationship, rather than the emotions that come with it. Hooking up with him won't make him want anything more with you, so don't think you can change this guy's mind. Sure, the ego boost is nice, but any guy who is only needy of your presence at nighttime, and is a no-show as soon as the sun comes up, is undateable. End of story.
3. His Instagram is full of party pictures
Here he is doing a keg stand; here’s another of him posing in his apartment with two girls in bras; oh, look, he’s on a table chugging his beer this time, captioned #whathappenedlastnight. This is self-explanatory. If he’s still stuck in the college party lifestyle, he won’t be able to settle down, unless he assures you otherwise and he’s actions agree, or if you're into that kind of thing. He might be fun for the night, but chances are, he’s not ready for a long-term commitment.
4. He only talks about himself
His self-centered conversation style will probably echo through a relationship as well. It’s never a good idea to get involved with someone who can spend an hour talking about himself without even offering a question to get to know you better. People love sharing pieces of their lives with others, especially to those who they wish to be closer to, but some people are chronic over-sharers. An important part of a relationship is acknowledging the other person and meeting him or her halfway. If you feel like he doesn’t know you any better on the third date than he did the first, speak up or kick his egocentric a** to the curb.
5. He has a crazy ex-girlfriend
Sure, if you really think he’s “the one,” you shouldn’t let something like this stop you. But, if you’re just meeting him with no strings attached yet, and you’ve already heard a plethora of long-winded stories about how she keyed his car, still spams his phone with scary text messages, and aired their dirty laundry all over Facebook, maybe you should reconsider. Either he messed up their relationship, or she’s just psycho, both of which should be legitimate concerns. If you stick around and she doesn’t come after you once she finds out you’re a thing, you’ll learn why she ended up being his crazy ex-girlfriend. Good luck.
