Upon my visit to the International Clown Hall of Fame in Baraboo Wisconsin (it's real, look it up), I came to the conclusion that I will absolutely never be comfortable around clowns. There are probably at least 50 reasons why, but for the sake of making this article readable, I've chosen my top five. Without further ado, here they are:

1. Overall Strangeness:

Clowns just look really strange. And not the good kind of strange like your goofy German neighbor, the "seriously, who thought this was a good idea?" kind of strange.

They paint their face an eerie white, dye their hair blood red, and throw on a wig made of children's nightmares, leaving them with an overall strange appearance. The icing on the cake is:

2. That smile...

.... Seriously. Bone-chilling. I would leave it at that, but it needs to be noted that there's something extremely unnerving about a clown smile. They're always bearing a manic-maniac grin upon their already nightmare inducing face. Why are they so happy? Probably because they have managed to sneak right up behind you without being noticed. Within these smiles lies the next terror:

3. Possibly Sharp Teeth

Anything bearing sharp teeth is scary as #!%$, for example:

Yep, never going outside again.

Swimming is also off the list now.

Dear lord... I'm going to need some new pants on aisle 3.

"But Dave!" you'll say, "You will never have to worry about seeing a clown with sharp teeth that could very well bite your face off!" And to this my good sir/madame, I must respectfully disagree due to the fact that:

4. Clowns Are Go To Murderers and Evil Doers In Movies.

Many believe that clowns have gained a bad rap due to their antagonistic portrayal in the media. Although I think they're wrong, and clowns are just inherently scary, I can see how one would come to this conclusion.

I cant remember the last movie I watched where the clown was the good guy who saved the day. No, the last movie I watched featuring a clown was this:

(Warning, if you value yoursleep, or your pants, do not watch this trailer)

Apologies to literally everyone who actually watched that. It was necessary though, since now you can finally understand that clowns are demonic creatures hell-bent on the consumption of children.

Okay, this might not be true. You may even think that I am just a giant baby whose been watching too many spooky flicks, but

5. Clowns Have Been Doing Scary Stuff In The Real World As Well

Take this clown for example:

The #northamptonclown

Yep, those are REAL pictures, of a REAL clown, standing on the street corners of a REAL city in the U.K.

He doesn't do anything... He just stands there... Or, more likely waits there... I wish I was joking.

Have fun never going to Northampton. You can thank me later.

At the end of the day, clowns are people, too. Sinister, blood thirsty, malevolent, possibly supernatural/demonic people that I will absolutely never be comfortable around.