5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Friends With Your Ex On Facebook

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Friends With Your Ex On Facebook

If you’re still Facebook friends with your ex, here are the reasons you may want to consider deleting them
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As The Social Network showed us, Facebook breeds drama. This is particularly true with relationships. We regularly get questions along the lines of "My guy is Facebook friends with his ex. Does that mean he'll cheat on me?" Not necessarily, fake person I just created. But that doesn't mean it can't lead to drama, break-ups, and sadness. Every day, a new study comes out blaming Facebook for the growing divorce rate. (Frankly, most of those people were probably headed for divorce anyway, but if putting "Facebook" and "divorce" in your headline gets you clicks, I ain't gonna judge.)

So as you're pruning your friends list in the new year, consider these reasons for defriended your ex. And come back next week when we'll look at the five reasons why you SHOULD be friends with your ex (or exes) on Facebook.

It's a constant window into their life

Sure, things might have ended amicably. Maybe you run into each other at a concert and have a nice conversation. But do you really want a constant rundown of their life? You already know their thoughts on True Blood and that new burrito place on Smith St. Do you need to see what parties they're attending, who they're friending, and which Starbucks they've checked into on Foursquare? (And can we stop with announcing the amount of people you're with on Foursquare? If you're in a public place, it's safe to say you're not alone.) The more Facebook features get added, the more overshare-y we all get. It's bad enough seeing the day-to-day minutia of that one coworker whose friend request you approved out of guilt. Do you really need to know every detail about the person who you ostensibly decided not to spend the rest of your life with?

Facebook should offer a feature exclusively for exes which only tells you the basics-- Are they still alive, married, divorced, or currently standing outside of your house? Actually, that's not a terrible idea for an App...

Unless you're actually still friends, it's an empty gesture

Yes, many break-ups are amicable. You might remain friends, coworkers, casual acquaintances, etc. with an ex. So what's wrong with staying casually in touch over the Internet? After all, Facebook is basically a giant repository for your casual acquaintances. ("What's Jill from college doing now? Oh, she's married. Cool. What's for lunch?") But ask yourself this: Would you be comfortable being in the same room as your ex? If the answer is no, why are you virtual friends with this person?

Oh, sure, many of your Facebook friends would probably fail the "Do I want to share an elevator with them?" test. But there's a difference between, say, an old coworker whom you want to stay in touch with and someone who can draw a map of every mole on your body. In the end, is your relationship really nothing more than a headshot in your "friends" list? You still have the memories, good and bad. Why not be content with that?

If you still have feelings, it'll drive you crazy

"Who is this Melissa girl he just friended? OMG she looks like a slut. How could he like her-- Oh, wait. She's his cousin. Who's this Jen girl he friended???"

The person you're currently dating could get jealous

On the one hand, being friends with an ex shows that you're a mature person who can forgive and forget. Or it means you're still keeping some exes in your back pocket. This isn't to say you should defriend an ex just because it makes your current guy (or gal) uncomfortable. But be careful about paying too much attention to an ex on Facebook.

Ultimately, it comes down to the level of contact you're having with your ex. If you're IMing and constantly writing messages behind your guy's back, clearly that's a problem. But even the small things can cause tension in your new relationship. You might think there's nothing wrong with "liking" all of your former flame's hilarious status updates. But think of Facebook as a virtual cocktail party: Would your current boyfriend get jealous if you were laughing at your ex's jokes louder than his? Just make sure you're spreading the "likes" around.

It prevents you from fully moving on

Look, we've all Facebook stalked someone at one point or another, be it a high school crush, or the ex who tore out our heart, stomped on it, and then shot the pieces out of a cannon. (Sometimes, it's a brief glance to confirm to ourselves that it's really over.) But having a constant reminder of that person can be difficult. It's one thing to keep a photo of an ex in a shoebox as a reminder of the good times you both shared. But Facebook is like a shoebox that constantly keeps filling with photos, snarky status updates, FarmVille requests, birthday party invites, SuperPokes, and on and on. How can anyone hope to move on from a Super Poke??

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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My 'Boyfriend Standards' List Hasn't Changed Since I Was 14, And Thank God For That

And I found a man that matches every one of them.

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When I was a freshman in high school, I bought my first journal and the first thing I did in it was write down a pretty extensive list of everything a man who wanted to date me had to possess.

Call me picky, call me extra, but I'd say it was one of the smartest things I did as a fourteen year old. Not only did it make me sit down and actually think about what I desired in a partner but it also made me acknowledge what my time, love, and attention was worth. Throughout high school I didn't date a single guy.

First year of college I met a guy, we were best friends, everyone convinced us we'd be so cute together, so we dated.

But not for long. He met a couple of my standards but definitely not all of them. I was really just an excited freshman who said, "why not go for it? We're already best friends!?" After we broke up, I dug out my now 4 year old journal and opened up to the first page. I read down the list and realized how none of those desires changed and how far he was from the list as a whole. I decided to stick to the list until I came across a man who embodied every bullet point.

- Christian/Catholic

- Sense of Humor

- Cares about personal appearance and hygiene

- Caring and selfless

- Athletic

- Smart

- Responsible

- Someone I'm able to completely open up to

- Chaste

- Sweet and loving

- Someone who treats me like the best and most precious gift from God

- Someone who never fails to make me laugh, smile, and enjoy life.

- Someone who prays with me

- Someone who never fails to amaze me with the way he cares for others and teaches others

- Someone who leads me closer to God

- Goofy

- Understanding

- Pursues me every day

Kinda well thought out huh? Kinda also really long huh? Like there's no way someone could match all of my boyfriend requirements right? Wrong. When you hold to your worth and demand nothing less, when you cling to Christ and pray that He reads your hearts desires, and when you let Him take control, he'll prove His perfect plan and providence in unlikely ways.

I found a man who is God fearing and a truth seeker.

A man who has the goofiest most dad-joke sense of humor ever. Someone who always looks presentable (maybe that's the Marines in him). A man who is so caring and selfless time and time again. Someone who is athletic and who I can compete with at the gym. Someone who has wisdom and is smart and responsible. I found a man who I can open up to and let all of my guards down. Someone who seeks a chaste life and relationship with me. A man who is sweet and loving and who respects me and holds me up as a daughter of the King. Someone who makes me laugh the most, even in inappropriate scenarios. A man that will pray with me and for me. I found a man who constantly looks out for others, lends a helping hand, and wills to educate those he can.

He leads me closer to Christ daily, understands me better than anyone, and pursues me day in and day out.

I didn't know this man existed almost 8 years ago when I first wrote out this list. But my standards didn't waiver, and if they did, the relationship failed. Holding to this list made me hold onto hope that the desires in my heart were not only mine, they were Christ's for me as well.

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