5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Friends With Your Ex On Facebook

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Be Friends With Your Ex On Facebook

If you’re still Facebook friends with your ex, here are the reasons you may want to consider deleting them
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As The Social Network showed us, Facebook breeds drama. This is particularly true with relationships. We regularly get questions along the lines of "My guy is Facebook friends with his ex. Does that mean he'll cheat on me?" Not necessarily, fake person I just created. But that doesn't mean it can't lead to drama, break-ups, and sadness. Every day, a new study comes out blaming Facebook for the growing divorce rate. (Frankly, most of those people were probably headed for divorce anyway, but if putting "Facebook" and "divorce" in your headline gets you clicks, I ain't gonna judge.)

So as you're pruning your friends list in the new year, consider these reasons for defriended your ex. And come back next week when we'll look at the five reasons why you SHOULD be friends with your ex (or exes) on Facebook.

It's a constant window into their life

Sure, things might have ended amicably. Maybe you run into each other at a concert and have a nice conversation. But do you really want a constant rundown of their life? You already know their thoughts on True Blood and that new burrito place on Smith St. Do you need to see what parties they're attending, who they're friending, and which Starbucks they've checked into on Foursquare? (And can we stop with announcing the amount of people you're with on Foursquare? If you're in a public place, it's safe to say you're not alone.) The more Facebook features get added, the more overshare-y we all get. It's bad enough seeing the day-to-day minutia of that one coworker whose friend request you approved out of guilt. Do you really need to know every detail about the person who you ostensibly decided not to spend the rest of your life with?

Facebook should offer a feature exclusively for exes which only tells you the basics-- Are they still alive, married, divorced, or currently standing outside of your house? Actually, that's not a terrible idea for an App...

Unless you're actually still friends, it's an empty gesture

Yes, many break-ups are amicable. You might remain friends, coworkers, casual acquaintances, etc. with an ex. So what's wrong with staying casually in touch over the Internet? After all, Facebook is basically a giant repository for your casual acquaintances. ("What's Jill from college doing now? Oh, she's married. Cool. What's for lunch?") But ask yourself this: Would you be comfortable being in the same room as your ex? If the answer is no, why are you virtual friends with this person?

Oh, sure, many of your Facebook friends would probably fail the "Do I want to share an elevator with them?" test. But there's a difference between, say, an old coworker whom you want to stay in touch with and someone who can draw a map of every mole on your body. In the end, is your relationship really nothing more than a headshot in your "friends" list? You still have the memories, good and bad. Why not be content with that?

If you still have feelings, it'll drive you crazy

"Who is this Melissa girl he just friended? OMG she looks like a slut. How could he like her-- Oh, wait. She's his cousin. Who's this Jen girl he friended???"

The person you're currently dating could get jealous

On the one hand, being friends with an ex shows that you're a mature person who can forgive and forget. Or it means you're still keeping some exes in your back pocket. This isn't to say you should defriend an ex just because it makes your current guy (or gal) uncomfortable. But be careful about paying too much attention to an ex on Facebook.

Ultimately, it comes down to the level of contact you're having with your ex. If you're IMing and constantly writing messages behind your guy's back, clearly that's a problem. But even the small things can cause tension in your new relationship. You might think there's nothing wrong with "liking" all of your former flame's hilarious status updates. But think of Facebook as a virtual cocktail party: Would your current boyfriend get jealous if you were laughing at your ex's jokes louder than his? Just make sure you're spreading the "likes" around.

It prevents you from fully moving on

Look, we've all Facebook stalked someone at one point or another, be it a high school crush, or the ex who tore out our heart, stomped on it, and then shot the pieces out of a cannon. (Sometimes, it's a brief glance to confirm to ourselves that it's really over.) But having a constant reminder of that person can be difficult. It's one thing to keep a photo of an ex in a shoebox as a reminder of the good times you both shared. But Facebook is like a shoebox that constantly keeps filling with photos, snarky status updates, FarmVille requests, birthday party invites, SuperPokes, and on and on. How can anyone hope to move on from a Super Poke??

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Newsflash! It's Time For Everybody To Love Everybody

Come on, people, get it together.

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I, personally, think it's time for everybody to just start loving each other. Now listen, this doesn't mean you need to actually love everyone, but at least accept them. Acceptance is the closest thing we are gonna get to loving each other.

Let me tell you a little something: politics at the moment are very messy. No matter which side it is, it's messy. There is no denying that. If you try to deny that, then good for you, you're not helping anybody. If you really want some change, you need to start being the bigger person. Change isn't about who can yell about something louder or who has the "better" argument, it's about being respectful.

Just because someone has an opposing view does not mean you need to yell at them. Does yelling solve anything ever? Maybe temporarily, like for 2 minutes, but that's about as long as you're gonna get. There's absolutely no need to indirectly say something about certain individuals on social media. Yes, there is freedom of speech, but everybody should keep in mind why they have that right and why they still have it.

I do not understand why it is so hard to be respectful of one another. If someone goes after another person talking about how absolutely terrible it is of them thinking something should be illegal, the person who's being yelled at should respectfully ignore the other individual's disrespectful remarks. If the individual does not stop, then they are not aware that they are making no difference in the world.

What I'm trying to get at here is that in order to love each other, we really need to accept all our differences. If we really want change we need to go right to the sources, not just yell at each other from across the street. If everyone learned to accept each other, life would be a whole lot easier. Is this ever going to happen? Of course not. This is the solution though, whether you think so or not.

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