It never fails; just when I start to feel like myself again, BAM! It hits me like a tidal wave. Depression is the single most horrible state of being a person can possibly be. If you have clinical depression, welcome to the club! On Wednesdays, we wear pajamas and you definitely can’t sit with us because we honestly just want to eat alone. Despite my joking demeanor, clinical depression is a serious mental illness that affects my life negatively every day. But, if you are lucky enough like I am, you will have the coolest, yet slightly annoying, kid brother who takes the pain away in just five simple ways.

Because he doesn’t talk

I am so tired of doctors and therapists telling me what I can do to make my situation better and receiving and abundance of medicine I, in reality, don’t need. All I ever want to do is just simply exist and with my brother, I can do that. If I am overwhelmed by people and by talking, I can always count on my little brother’s silence to help. The most that is ever said by him after I've entered his room is, “what’s up?” and if I do not reply or cry, he understands what I need and we just simply exist together in silence. No talking, no advice, and no medicine. It helps me more than he could ever begin to understand.

He texts me clown pictures

I can’t believe I am even admitting this, but my brother and half of the world know I am terrified of clowns. So, when he texts me a terrifying clown picture and after I have screamed and thrown my phone at the wall, I find inner peace. I text him that I hate him, but I always do so with a smile on my face because I know that he was thinking about me enough to know I would be scared. To have someone think about you when you aren’t around is a reassurance needed so much by me and by all people suffering from depression that we are loved and thought of often.

He runs errands with me.

Having depression makes me want to stay in bed all day. I am not talking about being lazy; I’m talking about not wanting to thrive. With that being said, getting out of bed to do things needing to be done is close to impossible. So, when I ask my little brother to come to town with me and he actually says yes, it’s a God sent. Sometimes it may take a little bribing like a trip to Game Stop, but the fact that he accompanies me on a dreadful journey that I would usually be alone on, is the greatest.

He makes me laugh.

He is so funny! I am not just saying that because I am biased. The dude can make a British royal guard laugh. He is the only person that can make me laugh until my cheeks hurt and turn my flabby stomach into rock hard abs.

He has my back.

I can remember being seven years old being bullied by a neighbor when my two and a half-year-old little brother, diaper sagging, starts yelling obscenities at the bullies. From a sagging diaper thug to an almost seventeen-year-old man, my brother has my best interest at heart and will hurt anyone who does not do the same. How many prescription medicines do you know that can do that?

To my kid brother who I know is reading this: you are awesome and deserve to be told that every day. Thank you for keeping me sane and safe when I go through all of the rollercoaster rides that I do and most importantly, thank you for being my flashlight.