Some time ago, an article was published by Return of Kings, titled "5 Reasons To Date A Girl With An Eating Disorder." The article obviously sparked up a lot of controversy. Not only on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook, but on other news site. Popular sites like Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Daily Mail all jumped to point out the fact that this article was disgusting, for more reasons than one.
Although the article was published quite some time ago, it recently resurfaced on Twitter.
The article, written by a blogger with the handle Tuthmosis, described how dating a woman with an eating disorder is advantageous because of factors including they 'cost less money' and that their "overall looks" are improved based on the fact that they remain "thin" (read "sickly").
In America, there has always been an obsession with the pursuit of thinness. Both in being thin and, for men, dating someone who is thin. In fact, Roosh, the publisher of Return of Kings, defended the article by saying it "contains value for men who want to date thin women in America."
However, what was ignored, were the other aspects that come with an eating disorder. Besides the so called "positives," there are certainly a lot of negatives to consider that Tuthmosis seems blind-sighted toward.
1. She won't want intimacy.
Tuthmosis asserts that "it's a well-known fact that crazy girls are exceptional in the sack." However, it's a medical fact that sexual dysfunction is common across eating disorders. Women with anorexia have a high loss of libido. And absence of sexual relationships has been proven to have a correlation with a lower body mass index (BMI).
2. Always too much hair or too little.
Ever heard of lanugo? Probably not. It's one of the not so pretty side effects of eating disorders that tends to get pushed under the rug. The only thing America likes more than thin is hairless, except where it counts of course (think: head full of hair, perfectly plucked eyebrows.) Shaven legs, armpits, arms, ect. are all expected norms in our society.
Lanugo is fine, downy hair that grows in places hair typically does not on females such as the chest or face. Lanugo is almost exclusively related to anorexia, and it occurs when the body no longer has enough body fat to help heat itself. Lanugo is an attempt to trap heat lost before it dissipates.
That said, eating disorders practically prohibit a healthy head of hair. Excessive hair shedding and breakage are both side effects of the malnutrition one encounters when afflicted with an eating disorder. Whatever length is maintained, most likely will not be the shiny, pretty locks most people strive for. Instead, they will be dingy, broken, and thin-looking.
3. You won't be able to see the body she works so hard for.
This goes back to her inability to keep warm. With malnutrition, the body simply does not have the energy nor the healthy fat to maintain homeostasis, and therefore, a comfortable temperature. As well, her metabolism will likely be slowed and she may even suffer from anemia, both of which also contribute to being unable to remain warm. Therefore, someone with an eating disorder will most likely wear heavy clothing all the time, even in mild weather.
4. She'll be moody all the time.
Tuthmosis seems to see this as a good thing. He says "she's fragile and vulnerable" and that "instead of having to constantly wrestle with a difficult and obnoxious girl" she will be placid and "eager to please." But the truth is there are studies that show that depression and eating disorders have a link. And symptoms of depression do not just include being quiet and meek, they also include anger, irritability, loss of interest, and so forth. Eating disorders can cause snappiness, aggression, and so on and so forth. Laughter will be limited and arguing will be prevalent, which does not contribute to much fun on a date, and especially not in a long term relationship.
5. She will hate herself.
Maybe not in such a direct, obvious way, but those with eating disorders do not ever find peace in their illness. She will be obsessive about how thin she is, or is not, rather. And this obsession will translate into every aspect of her life. Tuthmosis says that with an eating disorder comes "confidence that your expense on her will be minimum" when it comes to going out to eat. But truth is, she probably will not want to go out to eat. She'll probably not want to do much of anything. With malnutrition comes fatigue, and whatever energy she does have, she will likely spend it arguing with you because she's irritable. And she's irritable because she's hungry or because she feels guilty because she is not hungry. Eating disorders are a bitter cycle of back and forth in this way.
All of which leads me to this: satire aside, eating disorders are no joke. They are a serious problem which affect our society very heavily. The National Eating Disorder association (NEDA) estimates that 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from an eating disorder.
The NEDA also reports that by age six, girls tend to begin to express concerns about their weight and that 40 to 60 percent of elementary-aged girls are concerned with the idea of becoming too fat.
These girls are your mom, your sister, your friends, your associates. Many people with eating disorders suffer behind closed doors, and reading articles like "5 Reasons To Date A Girl With An Eating Disorder" does nothing to help them with the struggle they face every single day of their life.
Eating disorders are not cute fads, and they are definitely not traits which one should seek out when looking for a potential partner. Eating disorders are devastating and they have serious consequences for the health of the individual and the relationships in that individual's life. Overall, the increase in mortality is six fold for an individual who deals with anorexia.
If you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, help is out there. The NEDA offers screening, an online chat server, and also sponsors a helpline (800-931-2237). They are more than happy to help anybody who needs or wants help, so please, reach out.
