New Yorkers that have their lives together generally know enough to retreat from the city heat to the eastern sands, located on the two ends of Long Island and reachable via Jitney.
Every summer, I get the privilege of spending the weekend at a friend's house in Jamesport, located on the North Fork of Long Island. Now that I'm twenty years old and unemployed, the idea of spending a day at the beach seemed very appealing - especially after seeing the great tan this friend had developed after only one week at her summer house. So, we packed up our beach bags and brought our beach bodies (#bodypositivity) to the sands of Iron Pier. By the end of the day, this pale New Yorker had accomplished two major things. First, I had developed an intricate sunburn across my chest, specifically shaped by the three fingers I used to (poorly) spread my sunscreen and the large ring that held my straps together. Second, I had accumulated a solid list of reasons why sunbathing is completely overrated.
1. Sun. Burns.
If you're well practiced at the art of tanning, you may have a talent at avoiding the burn of the sun. But for many of us mere mortals, the sun is actually very hard to out-maneuver. Not to mention that today's strap-heavy bathing suits are the worst outfits to be sporting when these burns do make their way into your skin.
2. Hours worth of work for a fleeting reward.
A good tan takes hours, if not days, to achieve. But let's be real - tans so rarely stay golden for very long. By the time two weeks fly by, your golden skin is probably fading right back to its original color and you're planning your next trip to the beach for another long roast session under the punishing sun.
3. Pore Clogging and Wrinkles.
If you're avoiding the damaging effects of a sun burn, such as wrinkles, you're definitely taking advantage of sun screen and if you're trying to get a quick and golden tan, you're probably abusing the tanning oil. Either way, your skin is getting lathered in lotions it does not feel comfortable under. Even when you invest in the organic, all natural sun screens meant directly for the face - your pores start suffocating the second it's applied. So even though your skin may have that summer glow, it'll probably also be bumpy from the fresh breakout you're sporting underneath.
4. Sticky skin and all that comes with it.
After applying your sun screen or tanning oil, and sweating out of your newly clogged pores, your skin is probably slick with stick. As the day goes on and your tan makes its way onto your body, so will a number of other things. For example, sand (which knows no bodily boundaries), spiders and ants, and so. much. hair. That's right, every time a strand of your hair escapes that messy bun of yours, it's going to glue itself onto your product lathered face and make you feel disgusting.
5. Skin Cancer.
It turns out that laying out in the sun in search of that perfectly roasted hue is actually not so good for you. Not only is your skin probably going to feel like an expensive handbag one day, but you very well may get skin cancer as well. This is the most common form of cancer and is most easily attained through over exposure to the sun.
But at the end of the day, I still have to give props to the people who have managed to protect their skin while also perfecting the art of tanning. If you happen to have the patience and skill for that then, by all means, tan away. You may even look like my golden friend one day.
Now, if you need me, I'll be in front of an AC in the city - far from any overheated sand, tanning oil, or moist beach towels.
