Ah, summer. It’s finally here. It’s time for relaxing, vacationing, and resetting for next school year. It’s also the time of year when every college student who goes home for the summer is bombarded with questions. How is school? What’s your major again? So what do you want to do? And these questions can get old pretty quickly if you don’t have answers. To help with this problem, here’s a list of responses you can give to anyone who asks you these questions.
1) How is school?
There are a number of possible responses to this question. One option is a generic, “School’s good” or something along those lines, but if you want to be more creative, you could say something like,
Well Voldemort left us alone until finals, so it could've been worse.
Well you know, school, you go, you learn things. It is what it is.
How can you ever really tell how well something went, you know? What is good? What is evil? What is life?
2) How were your finals?
Now if you don’t want to make things awkward, you should probably just say they were good, even though anyone who has experienced finals week knows this is a lie. If you want to be truthful:
I lost seven pounds in tears.
I love finals like Katniss loves the Hunger Games.
*pat various body parts* Well I guess I survived…
If you’re looking to put a more positive spin on the situation:
I love finals like Bella loves Edward (because I really do love them, but in a weird, unhealthy and very confusing sort of way).
I love finals! (Just be so enthusiastic that they start to edge away slowly.)
3) What’s your major?
Honestly this question shouldn’t be all that difficult. Just tell the poor person what your major is. If you’re undecided this can be a bit more difficult. But don’t worry. There’s still a way out. The most effective solutions are to avoid the question by talking about something tangentially related or to just change the topic all together.
Oh I took this amazing biology class. We dissected all these different things. You should’ve seen the spleen on this one…(talk about anything college-related except what they asked).
Actually we don’t do majors at my college. They’re just too confining and restricting. Students need to be free to explore, ya know?
Speaking of majors, my friend’s got a pet hedgehog named Major. Did you know that hedgehogs are lactose intolerant? I’d love to have a pet hedgehog, wouldn’t you?
4) What is that/what sort of job do you do with that?
This question is particularly a problem for people with more obscure majors, or ones that people have heard of but really aren’t sure what they are, like anthropology or actuarial science. You have two basic options for these questions. One is to tell the truth. Or, you can see how gullible your friends/relatives actually are.
Oh, anthropology comes from the Greek word Anthropos which means anteater. I’m studying anteaters because they’re my favorite animal. I’m going to be a world famous someday. Like Jane Goodall, but with anteaters (You have to keep a straight face).
Well I’m studying business because I really want to become a Pixar animator, and this is the best way to get there (Again, pretending you're completely serious is key).
5) What are your plans after graduation? This one is probably the hardest to answer, because for some reason people expect college students to have their lives planned out already. And while some of us do, most of us don’t. If you have plans, great. Share them. If you don’t just tell them it seems a bit ridiculous to expect 22 year old students to know how they want to spend their entire lives. And then sit back and enjoy as they get awkward. Your other options for this question are giving a vague answer that still sounds impressive or just straight up lying.
Oh, well I’m trying to keep my options open. So I’m thinking of looking for a job in (insert large geographic area or city here) but I also might decide to go to grad school at some point (As long as you say it authoritatively, no one will know).
Well I’m going for another undergraduate degree in underwater basket weaving because I just feel like that’s my calling (Then you wait for them to panic).
I’m actually transferring to Clown College because it’s always been my life ambition to join the circus.
I’m…not even in college. I didn’t get in…*fake sobs* Though, tthank you so much for reminding me!
Whichever of these approaches you choose, keep in mind that you’re still young and if you don’t have your life completely together, that’s ok. Most of adulting is learning how to act like you’ve got it all together anyway.