It seems these days that every other person on your news feed dons an offensive costume at the end of October. Stop yourself from falling into this trap before it is too late! Here are five easy costumes that will guarantee to NOT offend even the most sensitive of your Instagram followers.
1. A Leaf. Unless you are friends with a rake or a bare tree branch there is no way anyone can take offense to your leaf costume. This costume is as easy to make as one, two, tree! Just get a trusty friend to cover you from head to toe with hairspray, wet mud, pre-chewed gum, or any other sticky substance you have laying around the house. Then, find a pile of leaves and dive on in! The leaves will stick to your body no problem, the longer you roll around in the damp pile the more convincing your costume will be!
2. A Cow. This classic costume will appeal to your carnivorous and vegetarian buddies! The carnivores will find it funny because they eat cows and the vegetarians will find it funny because they don't eat cows! It's a win-win. Unless all of your buddies decide to switch to cannibalism you will have a fantastic, non-offensive, Halloween!
3. An Umbrella. No one enjoys getting rained on, it's a fact. You will exist as a beacon of warmth and dry-ness, the most festive combination of adjectives! Guaranteed to bring a smile to the faces of those you pass on the street, as they are reminded that umbrellas exist and rain can be defeated! Warning: Depending on the authenticity of your costume and if it does actually rain, prepare yourself to be lifted above someone's head. A small price to pay for not offending anyone.
4. A Number 2 Pencil. This one is easy, and useful! Though your arms may grow tired from holding them pointed above your head, you will surely be the hit of any party you attend. Follow your especially intoxicated friends around and erase their drunken mistakes with your giant eraser. Enjoy your non-offensive costume, but watch out for anyone dressed as a pencil sharpener!
5. A New Born Baby. A baby can't possibly offend anyone. Babies can't even talk, let alone say anything racially insensitive! So if you are really worried about what you might do or say this Halloween, be sure to dress as a baby so you are forced to speak gibberish to stay in character.
