When I was nine years old I constantly compared myself to other kids. There were three things about me that I didn't like: being biracial, having too many siblings, and having no say in my given wardrobe. Now at age twenty-one I understand the importance of modesty, I'm developing my racial identity, and I'm blessed beyond my years to have nine brothers and sisters.
Before they were married my Mom told my Dad she wanted six kids. When they started having children, people asked if they were done yet, after each one. When the fifth one came along, someone asked my Dad if this would be the last. Frustrated, and perhaps tired of this repeated question my Dad said,
"Last one? No, this is just our middle child."
I don't know if it was a prophesy, but sure enough my parents had five more kids. The craziest thing of all is how evenly divided we are. Perhaps God is a fan of the Brady Bunch because my parents had five girls and five boys. No twins, triplets or quadruplets, no adopted children and no switch-ups in the hospital. Yes, every baby that my mother birthed made it safely home from the birthing center, all fingers and toes included. Dad says that's what he always checked for when the babies came out, if they had all their fingers and toes.
People ask me if I'll have a big family too one day. The truth is I don't really know. But I do appreciate and recognize the importance of big families, which is why I want to address the following list of common misconceptions about large families.
1. Kids are too expensive. Clothes, food, toys, schooling, college and weddings cost a lot of money. Though this is true, lack of money is no reason to abstain from having kids. My parents are both artists who, though they make little, have set an example of good work ethic and kept our focus on intellectual rather than material things. At age thirteen most of us started paying for our own clothes and leisurely activities. If we didn't have money we found a job and worked hard for it. Without this life skill I would probably still be relying on my parents for financial security.
2. Kids are too much work. This is where delegation comes in. My mother designed a system called the twenty-minute-clean-up. It happened twice a day when we were kids, and with each child cleaning one room, the house was tidy in no time. We also had a chore chart, and room inspections. With so many children at home my mom taught us how to cook and take care of babies so that she didn't have to do all the work, another life skill I'm glad I have.
3. It's physically impossible to have so many kids. I'm not saying everyone should be the Duggers, because not everyone has the body to birth twenty-one children. But never try and you'll never know. Never dream of a big, beautiful family where each one teaches you something as you inform him or her about the world, and you'll never know the goodness of a home full of laughter and joy.
4. Kids will be neglected. As a child I had to share my Daddy with my brothers and sisters. Only once a year on my birthday could I have him all to myself. But it was in those moments when we were all together that I felt the most loved and cared for. Spending time together is one thing, while quality time invested in the lives of developing and learning children is quite another. My parents made sure they spent quality family time with all of their kids. While one-on-one time wasn't so commonly seen, the quality of time they spent with all of us provided a family-oriented, selfless environment.
5. Let's not Overpopulate the Earth. In 1978 China enforced a one-child policy in order to control the population. Deciding not to bring a human into the world is seriously a test of God's power. Did God forget to make the earth big enough for everyone to fit? Should we start controlling the number of people born in case the earth becomes so populated we all start falling into the ocean for lack of leg room? Alas I've said too much for the policy of abortion could be a whole article in itself.
Big families are not for everyone. Some parents with many children have ineffective parenting styles and as a result these kids suffer greatly. But the resolution is not simply to stop having children or to discourage couples from having kids.
"A baby is always a blessing" is something my Mom told me when I was young and truth to which I will attest. Variety is important, for big families and small families help make the world a better place, but it always seems like big families have more fun.
