So you finally got the promotion, your parents are happy in their new nursing home, and you were just the best man at your friend’s wedding. But hold on a minute… You’ve been so busy conquering the world; you forgot to look for love! Welcome to the plight of the common millennial. Whether you’re currently in love with someone or looking to find someone to love, here are 5 crazy ways guaranteed to get her to notice you every time.
1. Invite her to Dave and Busters and Play Arcade Games the Whole Time
Dave and Buster’s is a fun and happening place for hot singles to awkwardly mingle. They also have great arcade games that allow you to snag the high score and rename it “STD.” And women love to see that a man is passionate about something. That’s why it’s important to capture her attention by ignoring her and focusing on getting that digital hole-in-one. When your bride-to-be eventually leaves, text her later in the evening and apologize, but absolutely let her know that you achieved the high score in Deer Hunter 2006. She’ll be impressed.
2. Take Her On a Rollercoaster of Emotions With a Mixtape That Has Equal Parts Sad and Happy Songs
They key here is to make sure that the sad songs are much sadder than the happy songs. She’ll put the CD in, listen to "Don’t Stop Believing," and then be pummeled by Darryl Worley’s "Have You Forgotten?"
By the time she reaches your shoulder, she’ll be a regular waterpark of tears. I also recommend sewing small washcloths underneath the shoulders of your shirt.
3. Swap All of Her Detergents and Soaps With Peach-scented Detergents and Soaps, Then Ask Her On a Date to a Peach Orchard
Now I would never suggest you attempt illegally breaking into her home to carry out this feat, but in reality, there’s simply no other way to carry out the deed! When purchasing peach shampoo and conditioner, here are a few of my favorites. You’ll notice that the shampoo is $18, while the conditioner is $72. That’s because it is far more important for a person’s hair than shampoo. Do your research.
After she’s had a few days to ponder why she suddenly smells like peaches, invite her to a peach orchard. Arrive wearing a peach costume carrying Ziploc bags full of her old shampoo and she’ll get the message. What a thoughtful gesture!
4. Have Sex With Her Best Friend
This one literally has no negatives. It’s a win-win for everybody.
5. Invite Her and Her Mother to a “Women’s Brunch,” Then Serenade Them With Feminist Anthems During the Meal
Not only will this appeal to her degree in Women’s Studies, but it will also win her mother’s heart, and that’s very important. A mother depicts what her daughter will look like in 20-30 years. And people, it’s important to remember that while you don’t age, everyone around you does. Good luck and happy hunting!
