There are many problems within the movement known as “third wave feminism,” a movement I both strongly believe in and am also strongly critical of. Many people dismiss this movement out of hand, claiming that women already have equality or they don’t need it, so why should they support it? I try to listen to this side of the argument and accept feminism’s faults and shortcomings. However, most of the people that write furiously about how we don’t need feminism don’t actually understand what it is. They think they do, but they always end up making the same mistakes. Here are five things that feminism is not, but is often what people use to grease the anti-feminism wheels.
1. Equality
I probably shocked you with this one, didn’t I? But it’s true. If feminism were a fight for equality, then it’d be what everyone else wants us to call it – humanism, egalitarianism, etc. But it’s not. It’s a movement for women to be recognized and respected within the social, economic, and political environments. You’d advocate for paid maternity leave, but would you advocate for paid paternity leave? You want to talk about males who experience sexual assault more, but do you want to talk about females who experience sexual assault less? Contrary to lazy discourse, women and men are not equal. Women have different needs than men. And the goal is not to take rights away from men. It’s to elevate the status of women. Feminism focuses on women getting shorted in almost every aspect of life because of their gender. Men don’t have that problem.That’s why the closest thing they have to a movement is a sexist Twitter account that mocks feminism. Men should not be our point of comparison for our status of equality.
2. Based on individual cases
If I had a nickel for every time I heard an anti-feminist claim that they don’t need feminism because their male best friend is “not a rapist!!”, I would be richer than God. I don’t care that your male best friend wouldn’t hurt a fly, or that your boyfriend buys you chocolate when you’re on your period. That’s great. I’m glad you have sweet men in your life. But those men are still brought up in a society that values them over women. They are still raised under the notion that they are entitled to anyone or anything simply because of their biology. They still grow up in a media saturated world that presents toxic masculinity (i.e. being bigger, stronger, and more powerful than women) as the standard, and punishes those who don’t live up to it. That affects them. No matter how many doors they hold open for women, this is the society in which they are being raised. And it isn’t their fault. But you can’t claim that you don’t need feminism on the grounds that most of the men you know are nice. The oppression women face isn’t always on a personal level. But it is always on a systemic, societal level.
3. Misandry
Feminism is the fight for women, not against men. Again, men should not be our point of comparison for our status of equality. Tearing down, belittling, or hating men does not help this movement. Feminism is definitely not a movement for men, but it does benefit them. Trying to change old, stuffy, patriarchal standards – such as trying to dictate what men’s interests should be (i.e. how it tells them not to wear makeup, care about shopping, or do anything stereotypically “feminine” in general) – is part of the feminist movement. Men are brought up in this society as much as women are. The oppressive, ignorant guy who spouts nonsense like “Not all men…” or “Real men don’t…” definitely exists in the millions. You are allowed to be mad at those men. But sewing patches onto your jacket that say things like “Boys suck!” is not the way to combat that type of behavior. It’s reactionary and it’s hurting people.
4. Trans-misogyny
If you don’t know what this word means, let me break it down: trans-misogyny is sexism specifically directed towards trans women – women who were designated male at birth but identify as female. Or, you know, women. Don’t get it mixed up. A trans woman is a woman. She is not, as some TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists – people as bad for this movement as people who speak outright against feminism) might think, a “man with a ‘girl brain’” or “SCAMs (Surgically and Chemically Altered Males)…nothing more than MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists) in dresses.” You are wrong and transphobic, and if your feminism does not include trans women, it is not feminism. Feminism can’t exist without intersectionality. Women come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and identities. If you are unable to support each one of them, you are unable to support any of them.
5. A fight against the housewife
When someone says the word “feminist,” you probably think of a butch lesbian burning her bra while chanting for gender equality outside the Capitol. And you know what? Those women are beautiful and valid in their form of feminism and they are essential to the movement. But don’t think that their seemingly “radical” feminism doesn’t also support the woman who stays at home and cooks and cleans for her family. Feminists do not want to do away with the domestic housewife. What we want is to ensure that she is safe and secure in her position, and that it is her choice. Feminism supports women who are part of the “Free the Nipple” movement and women who wear hijabs and burqas. Feminism is the support of all women, no matter what position they are in, as long as they are safe and willing to be there.
