Social anxiety disorder is the third most common psychological problem in the U.S., affecting about 15 million Americans. This makes it about twice as prevalent as posttraumatic stress disorder and eight times as common as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Given these statistics, I'd say it's about time we started talking about social anxiety and the struggles faced by the millions of Americans who wrestle with it every day.
The vast majority of people experience anxiety in some social situations. For example, 74 percent of people experience speech anxiety, or fear of public speaking. For most people run-ins with social anxiety are limited to big, important events like speeches and job interviews. Social anxiety disorder, on the other hand, is marked by anxiety or distress, regarding social interaction that interferes with a person's everyday life. Usually this means going to great lengths to avoid social situations and/or enduring great pain and discomfort during these situations.
As someone who has dealt with social anxiety disorder for most of her life, I wanted to share some examples of anxious thought patterns I experience throughout a typical day. Here are five seemingly normal, everyday things that can be extremely challenging for people who struggle with social anxiety disorder:
Disclaimer: These are thought patterns based on my own experiences, and they do not represent everyone who has social anxiety disorder.
1. Using doors
What I'm thinking:
Okay the person in front of me is holding the door open, so I have to walk quickly. I don't want them to be holding the door for too long or they'll get frustrated with me, so hurry up! Okay now do I hold the door open for the person behind me? He's kind of far away but I don't want to seem rude. But I don't want to stand here awkwardly holding the door! What if we make eye contact? What if he asks me how my day is? What will I say?
2. Ordering food
What I'm thinking:
The burger looks really good, but so does the pasta, I can't decide! Everyone else knows what they want so I have to think fast; I don't want them to get frustrated waiting for me. Oh no, the waiter's here. I'll just go last and decide while everyone else is ordering. It's almost my turn what do I do? Should I ask the waiter what he thinks is better? What if he hasn't tried both? Okay no I'll just get the burger. Wait should I ask for no tomatoes or does that make me sound too picky? I could just pull them off, but that would be wasting food...
3. Scheduling appointments
What I'm thinking:
Oh no it's my therapist calling. Should I answer it or let it go to voicemail and call back later? It would be easier to talk to her instead of playing phone tag, but I'm in public right now. What if someone hears me and finds out I have a mental illness? What if that makes them treat me differently? Wait but everyone can hear my phone ringing, they're probably wondering why I'm not answering! I should just pick up. Wait but what if the cell reception here is bad and the call drops? Maybe it would be easier to call back when I'm home. Dang it, it already went to voicemail. I knew I should've picked up.
4. Parking
What I'm thinking:
Okay there's a spot here, I should just take it. But it's so far away; I don't have to walk half a mile by myself! But what if there are no closer spots? Should I risk it? Wait a car just pulled up behind me. I don't want to keep them waiting; I'll just find another spot. Okay this spot is closer but it looks kind of tight. I have a small car; I'll try it. Okay slowly, slowly... now back it up... oh no there's people behind me again! I don’t want to keep them waiting; they'll get frustrated with me. Did this spot get even smaller?? Okay I'll just find a new spot...
5. Taking a lunch break
What I'm thinking:
Okay my lunch break is at 12:30 today with Cory. I've been working with him for three months now but I don't know him that well. I don't think he likes me very much...
Okay its 12:30. Should I ask him if he wants to go somewhere for lunch? I brought a lunch but maybe I should still ask... Okay it looks like he brought a lunch too. Should I try to talk to him in the break room? It's just the two of us right now and I don't want there to be awkward silence the whole time. But what if I say something stupid and he starts to hate me? Wait should I take the seat next to him or is that weird? Why can't I think of anything to say? What is wrong with me??
These thoughts sound irrational because they are. Sometimes there's just no reasoning with anxiety. I hope this helps readers better understand and empathize with people who suffer from social anxiety disorder. Please be patient with us.
