I thought about it, and a lot of my embarrassment, besides tripping [reasons why I can barely walk and talk], comes from freezing up and not knowing what to say. I guess you could say there have been a lot, probably tons, of brain fart moments. It's like when Ross from Friends panics not knowing what to say so he just says nothing at all or the completely worse thing to say. That's basically me. I have the same awkwardness as Ross. And from all the humiliation, I learned two things, that I'm awkward and what the worse moments are to freeze up. #MyLife.
1. Starbucks.
Not sure which is worse, when this happens at a Starbucks at college, or at one off campus. Off campus, going to a Starbucks early in the morning with women and men in suits heading to work, you'll feel the pressure. Once asked what you want, if there is any slight doubt or hesitation in ordering, there's foot tapping, eye rolling, sighs and just hardcore judging. Usually this is when I completely freeze and the barista gives me a sympathetic look. At least with this, you'll probably never see those people again. But, at the Starbucks at my school, I'll just freeze when I have to order and wind up panicking and saying, "Espresso tea." #Allthetime. The worse part, I can't even escape that embarrassment because I'll see those kids around campus. This is even worse when its about ten minutes before class and everyone is rushing to get their coffee.
2. Language Class.
It's the first class of whichever language you're taking that semester. And of course the professor says everyone will introduce themselves, i.e. name, major, class year, all the fun stuff. So, the people ahead of you go and then you think, "Crap, I'm next." ...And then you freeze and barely remember words in english to introduce yourself let alone how to in a foreign language you're learning. This is even worse at an advanced level of the language because then, although no one may say it, everyone thinks, how did you make it to this class..and then you have the rest of class to feel dumb.
3. Deli.
The Italian deli, where creating your sandwich can be the best or worse part of your day. It either goes one of two ways. One way, you can visualize the exact sandwich you want and then can just let the man know and all is good. Or, when you get to the counter and see all the options, you start to panic because there are too many options and you are left as overwhelmed as could be. And then you wind up ordering something disgusting and just going with it because you cant deal with anymore humiliation.
4. Class.
Having so much confidence that you have the right answer to a question, then being called on and blanking.
5. Mass Communion
Going up to receive communion at mass is sort of a pitfall. If I', receiving it from a friend, I focus so hard on not laughing, but sometimes it just comes out. #whoops. Or, I'll say thank you rather than "amen" and then I apologize. It's pretty embarrassing.
There are so many moments that I leave thinking " I cant believe that just happened." Even when you try and avoid these moments of humiliation, they just seem to follow you. But, hey, you're not alone. Because you embarrass yourself, know that somewhere out there, I;m most likely in the midst of getting embarrassed. Pinky Promise.
