This one goes out to the "Blues Clues" to my Blossom the Powderpuff Girl. To the smartest and greatest kid I know, I felt that I should start preparing you now for what is to be the "best four years of your life."
1. Get a life-proof case.
2. And downloading Find My iPhone wouldn't hurt either.
3. Don't hide your alcohol in your mini fridge. That is the first place your RA will check.
4. Respect every girl. Even if she's hella annoying.
5. Call Mom because she'll miss you.
6. Only schedule an 8 a.m. if you truly hate yourself.
7. Rush a fraternity because YOU want to. Not because you think it's “cool" or because Dad was in one.
8. Go to class. No one is that good to still ace a course they never go to.
9. Ask the guys across the hall to hang out. It's not that weird.
10. Don't be a douchebag. It'll get around.
11. Wash your sheets. Mom is not there to do it for you.
12. Your laundry too. "Frebreezing" isn't the same as washing.
13. DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.
14. You probably won't fit perfectly into your XL twin bed.
15. Don't cut off all your curly hair. I promise, girls will swoon over it.
16. Some girls are mean; Set them straight. They will learn how unattractive it is.
17. NEVER let someone make you feel bad for turning down a drink at a party.
18. If you see someone struggling after a long night out, help them out. It very well could have been you falling all over the place.
19. Cheap vodka is an acquired taste.
20. "Black out" becomes more than just wearing all black to a high school basketball game.
21. Mom and Dad are more open than you think after you leave for college. Be honest with them.
22. Somebody will probably puke near, next to or on you. Be a nice guy about it.
23. Start saving for spring break, like last week.
24. Respect your fraternity. These are your brothers now and have your back for the rest of college.
25. There's a girl you really like but she has a boyfriend back home? Give it two months and they will be broken up.
26. Remember that time you asked me how Fireball was? And I said I didn't like it? I lied. It's good. Try it sometime.
27. "Darty weather" is just a way to celebrate some amazingly, nice weather.
28. Professors don't care if you haven't slept in three days; they want your paper. They suck.
29. Hold out from getting a job as long as you can.
30. Water is the most prized possession a college student has on a Saturday morning. Don't just be giving pass-outs of it.
31. Don't be alarmed. You are, in fact, in the men's bathroom despite the girl washing her face at the sink.
32. Just buy a hockey jersey now.
33. And a basketball jersey. Congratulations! You'll be wearing them for the next four years.
34. Just because she looks pretty now doesn't mean she will look pretty in the morning.
35. Don't ask a girl what house she's in. Who even cares? At least she's talking to you.
36. Tailgates start early. So do you.
37. “It's only awkward if you make it awkward."
38. Fancier the name on the bottle, the worse it's going to taste.
39. If you have a test at 9 a.m. tomorrow and haven't started studying, going out isn't in the cards for you.
40. This is the only place you'll see a grown 19-year-old man dancing to Blank Space. And it will be you.
41. This a fresh start for everyone. Don't talk about high school. No one cares.
42. The food is going to suck. Get over it.
43. 9 times out of 10 you won't remember how you got home. But rock on, you made it.
44. Professors won't “go back" to the last slide on a Powerpoint. Tip: Take a picture. It'll last longer.
45. It's nice to be the guy that pays for the pizza, but don't always be him. Nobody feels bad for him but his wallet sure does.
46. If you open it, you better plan on finishing it. Talking about homework, duh.
47. I'm always a text, phone call or drunk dial away.
