Oh, the learned patience of waiting tables. Nothing is more frustrating than working your tail off for a table and getting stiffed at the end of their meal, but, on the other hand, there's something so satisfying about getting a great tip for a table you know you treated perfectly or getting to meet so many different types of people. #serverlyfe #tipsforlyfe
Here's 46 things you're sure to hear every server say during shift; or, at least, wish they could say out loud:
1. Oh good. 8% tips are what I expect anyway.
2. CORNER!
3. Move b*tch, get out the way!
4. For the love of God, please don't bump into me. I have hot coffee.
5. You would want extra gravy.
6. ...And bacon and cheese on everything.
7. Hey, will you go walk past my table and see if they've put cash down yet?
8. Do you think they'll notice if I just steal one french fry?
9. Or a piece of this steak...
10. Or the whole steak...
11. Whatever, I know they aren't going to tip me anyway.
12. Do you work tomorrow?
13. Do you want to give your shift to me?
14. I'm going to hide in the bathroom and text for a while. Will you watch my section?
15. Mmm, is that the extra sour patch kids?
16. Translated: can I have some?
17. I haven't been sat in 30 minutes.
18. Oh, my gosh. Am I cleaning because I'm bored?
19. Ugh, I've been sat...
20. Yeah, no, I love being triple sat.
21. Why, yes, I would love to go get you your third cup of ranch!
22. Are you busy? I'm in the weeds.
23. My table keeps hitting on me.
24. So, will you bring their food out instead?
25. Those old guys are creeping me out.
26. Did you see that woman's hair?
27. Do you think those people are 21?
28. Yup, they laughed when I asked for their ID.
29. Oh, really? You drink tastes bad? Did you ever think maybe you just don't like alcohol?
30. Well, if you didn't know what something was, maybe you shouldn't have ordered it.
31. I would never let my children act like that...
32. If you can't afford to tip your server, don't eat out.
33. Wow, so glad I'm still here.
34. Wow, so glad I served that table for free.
35. Am I really that bad of a server?
36. 86 FRIED PICKLES. 86 FRIED PICKLES. 86 FRIED PICKLES. DID YOU HEAR?
37. Oh my gosh, I hate myself for being so awkward.
38. Did you see the hotties at table 417?
39. Hey, did that table tip you well? They're my friends.
40. Guess how much they tipped me.
41. It's okay. Only four hours until close.
42. What are we doing after work?
43. Can we just close early tonight?
44. PRAISE THE LORD, HALLELUJAH, MY SECTION IS CUT.
45. Does anyone have that broom after you?
46. Are you changing out of your uniform to go out or are we just meeting there like this?
Be nice to your servers.
