We all know you're just itching to have your worth validated by belonging to a group. Here's something to tie you to SEMO:

1. Meeting your estranged father for the first time on the shuttle.
2. The Great Cardiac Hill War of 1973.
3. President Vargas actually being former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke in disguise.
4. Being a normal everyday student and absolutely not a lizard person.
5. Trench Coat Guy murdering your parents.
6. The exclusive Irish immigrant parties at Rowdy’s every Tuesday.
7. All of your friends just sort of tolerating you.
8. [REDACTED]
9. Going into the dome of Academic Hall for infinite knowledge.
10. Discovering that Kent Library is actually just a hologram placed by the state to simulate physical learning.
11. Eating at Towers Cafe only to realize that you weren’t at Towers, you were at the hospital being treated for dementia.
12. Something about Burritoville.
13. The hammocks having tiny eject buttons on them.
14. Bean’s Bagels being run by the actor who played Beans on Even Stevens.
15. That tradition where a student gets sexually assaulted on campus and we ignore it.
16. Wild Greens not being nearly as wild as advertised, two stars on Yelp.
17. Yelling, “Welcome to Panda!” at the same time as the Panda Express workers for a 30% discount.
18. That new Mexican place, what’s it called? Yeah, that.
19. Reading this list of relatable things and being like, “OMG, that’s super relatable, and also the CO2 levels in the atmosphere are increasing at an alarming rate.”
20. RedHawks being an anagram for D Kershaw, which is coincidentally the name of a law professor at the London School of Economics.
21. Our new mascot is officially a law professor, you’re welcome.
22. Getting a free SEMO lanyard for every piece of gum you eat off of the Gum Tree.
23. Going Greek because you’re actually a sadomasochist and it’s the only way for you to get off anymore.
24. The stairs by Brandt growing arms and physically assaulting you as you climb them alone.
25. Rose Theater being haunted by the ghost of child sitcom star Jaleel White.
26. Not being able to pronounce Grauel, on account of the silent L at the end.
27. Listening to Twenty One Pilots literally every day because that’s the only band SEMO students know about.
28. Being geographically located in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
29. Having to explain to outsiders that U.C. stands for Uncle Carl and that we go to him for our daily sustenance.
30. Going to the Rec Center on Funeral Friday and accidentally walking in on a weight lifter’s touching eulogy. SOOOO EMBARRASSING!
31. The time our football team inexplicably forgot how to play football and never regained the knowledge.
32. What’s ironic is that that was a joke about our football team being ass, but I don’t even watch football, I’m just trying to be more #relatable.
33. You accidentally signed up for a meal plan of 67 meals per week and you have way too much Chick-fil-A left over at the end of the week.
34. People eat at Subway because that is the purpose of having a Subway.
35. Houck Stadium ruined your childhood, somehow.
36. You own a SEMO shirt, hoodie, sweatpants, hat, shoes, jacket, tie, socks, underwear, car decal, mug, pen, notebook, sword, biplane, dog, toilet, mail order bride, and keychain.
37. Your friend Patrick was in Gone Girl and he totally hangs out with Ben Affleck now.
38. “South County Imo’s” is the secret password to get into LaFerla Hall.
39. Racial tensions.
40. You hate people who smoke and really want everyone to have a gun, you fucking idiot.
41. The local Neo-Nazi meeting place, Last Call.
42. You literally can’t find anywhere to park, and that’s because SEMO doesn’t allow criminals to park on campus, you monster.
43. You pay tuition in exchange for educational programs.