My good friend said it best: “Long distance relationships are for those that are independent.” She shared these words giving me wisdom from her own experience in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, in her experience, her relationship did not work out. The hard truth is that these sort of relationships are not for everyone. This got me thinking about my own relationship, and how I feel about it.
The reality is that when you first meet that special someone and establish that strong bond, it is difficult to suppress the desire to be around them 24/7. Let alone be able to deal when they aren’t even in the same state…I found lots of times that I wasn’t sure if my boyfriend was on the same page as me, not sure how it was all going to work out, unable to make enough time to catch up, worried we were growing apart, worried…
To start, people have different love languages. Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Some feel most loved through words of affirmation - this could be words of encouragement, love, compliments, etc. Others feel most loved with gifts, either small tangible gifts, or extravagant adventures. Another would be acts of service, such as doing tasks to brighten your special person’s day. Lastly, some feel most loved through the physical touch of a partner. It could be a long embrace, hand holding, kisses, maybe just a physical presence in difficult times. Regardless of what sort of love language you have, distance puts a strain on ALL of them.
It is important to first know what ways your boyfriend or girlfriend feels most loved. Establishing this from the get go will allow for greater understanding of the other, and also will allow you to love the other the best you can. Maybe planning special meet ups or going out of your way to wish them well on a busy day. Big or small, these things don’t go unnoticed!
Figuring out each other’s schedules is also key! Arranging time to text, call or FaceTime (a true Godsend) makes all the difference. If you don’t think ahead, time will get away from you and you will miss out on valuable time to catch up on the most recent happenings. This could cause each of you to be on different levels or drift apart.
As stated previously, I feel long distance is for the independent, self-driven types. I learned this from personal experience. When it comes to a significant other, I can become attached and allow myself to base the love in the relationship on how often we get to communicate. Truth is, that when you are long distance, both of you are living separate lives. Each person has their own set of goals they are working toward, a job, classes, etc. You have to respect that. Understand that they are growing or progressing forward as a person, give them the time to do so. This will make your reunion that much more exciting. You’ll be able to see any progress they have made and celebrate it with them.
While being apart makes you feel distant, you don’t have to lose the depth of your relationship. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” This saying goes a long way. As long as there is honesty in your words and actions this will keep you both on the same page. Being on the same page is crucial. One of you may be feeling that your other half is being closed off or seeming dissatisfied with the relationship, but there is only one way to truly know. ASK. Don’t be afraid to bring up things that are bugging or concerning you. Your boyfriend/girlfriend values your views, they will hear you out, try to adjust or talk it out with you. Give them the opportunity to do so.
While guys and girls express their feelings in different ways, both do experience similar, if not the same, views about being long distance. My advice to you would be to keep your head up and your heart hopeful. The best is yet to come.
