I like to tell puns for the halibut. If you can let think of any other puns, please let minnow. I am not anywhere near finished, but enjoy!
1. I was originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
2. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He is all right now.
4. Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? It is two tired.
5. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It is very time consuming.
6. I only tell chemistry jokes periodically.
7. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
8. I am glad I know sign language; it is pretty handy.
9. I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.
10. Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny. They just don't work.
11. Why aren't koalas considered bears? They do not meet the koalafications.
12. Pavlov? That name rings a bell.
13. What do you call a flying turtle? A shellicopter.
14. When is the best time to go to the dentist? Toot-hurty.
15. How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted? Shell-shocked.
16. What did the duck say when they bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.
17. How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
18. Went to a sea turtle's party last night. Had a shell of a time.
19. How do trains drink? They chug.
20. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
21. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing; it just let out a little wine.
22. What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic? Iceburg.
23. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer.
24. Deer jokes? I am very fawn of them.
25. What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs.
26. What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop.
27. Did you hear about the immortal frog? They took out his vocal cords so he couldn't croak.
28. What's a plummer's favorite shoes? Clogs.
29. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
30. Need an ark? I Noah guy.
31. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
32. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
33. Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well.
34. When you are in a pickle, dill with it.
35. The inventor of knock knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.
36. Cheese jokes are never Gouda.
37. What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college? Bison.
38. My friend made a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.
39. Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.
40. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
41. Which American president was least guilty? Lincoln, he was in a cent.