40 Things Your Grocery Store Cashier Wishes They Could Say

Before I began working in a grocery store, I never really thought about everything that goes into it. Now that I have worked at one for quite some time, there are things I wish I could get away with saying. I wish there was one day where everyone that worked retail could say what they wanted to. Here are 40 things I would say.

1. "Please get off your phone and pay attention to me. You're being very disrespectful right now."

2. "Stop telling me how much cheaper our competitor is. I probably shop there too."

3. "Do you know about this thing called personal space? Use it, please."

4. " Telling me the price of your produce does me no good. I still have to key in the PLU."

5. "Trust me, I know the PLU. They have taken over my brain."

6. "Don't mix your produce in the same plastic bag and be mad at me when I cannot tell the difference between your peaches and nectarines."

7. "Yes, please do tell me how you no longer want $50 worth of stuff and leave it at the back of the belt. How about handing me that?"

8. "Pretty sure I would not know if we carry your favorite brand of seaweed crackers, but chill out for two seconds and I will go check for you."

9. "Why did you not bag your raw meat? You put it on the belt and tell me it is leaking. Thanks. I love blood on my register."

10. "I know how to properly bag your items. It is a part of my job, in case you didn't realize."

11. "Leave heavy things in the cart. We have scan guns that can reach that."

12. "I know you are not going to leave your stuff in this basket and make me take it out. Lazy."

13. "When you're waiting in line, be considerate to everyone around you. Also, don't complain to the person beside you. The cashier is trying."

14. "You did not just pull that money out of your bra? Oh my. Can you not?"

15. "Before handing me your money, please unwad it. This crumpled up mess makes me want to punch you in the face."

16. "Oh. It rang up seven cents more? Please do not have a heart attack."

17. "You left your coupon at home? Well, there is nothing I can do about that."

18. "This grocery store is not a bank for all your change and cash-back needs. There is a bank right down the road, and an ATM machine right beside the registers."

19. *Keying in the bar code of the meat that won't scan* You: "It must be free. Heheheheharharhar" Me: "Wow, never heard that one before."

20. You: "I just printed those hundreds today." Me: "Good one."

21. "I am not your therapist."

22. "There is no giant room in the back full of the one item you are looking for."

23. "Why did you not have this check pre-written out. Please do write like a 5-year-old learning to write their name."

24. "I hate when you ask if I am open. No I just enjoy standing here with the light on for fun."

25. "My chuckle when you ask if I have been waiting on just you is very fake."

26. Me: "Debit or credit? You: "Visa what?"

27. "Sure, go get your money out of your car. I will stand here and wait four hours on you."

28. "You were rude to me and your card was declined. I have a sense of satisfaction right now."

29. "We are not on a first name basis here, sir."

30. "If the ad says limit of 10. No, you cannot get 27."

31. "If our store closes at 11, don't get mad when it is 10:55, there is one cashier and you have to wait in line a minute."

32. "Do not put your money or coupons on the belt. Do you see that hole there at the top of it? I am not sticking my hand right there to get it if it falls through."

33. "If the closed sign is up or my light is off, I bet you I am closed."

34. "I would love to get my manager to come tell you the same thing."

35. "You are so right. Complaining about this little problem makes everything so much better."

36. You: "Where is your bathroom?" Me: "Maybe where the big letters RESTROOM are."

37. You: "Where is the bread? Me: "Aisle 9. The aisle sign says bread."

38. "Don't be a douche."

39. "Oh, that was an awesome customer. Thank you."

40. "And faith in society is lost again because of this customer. Cool."

Of course, there are exceptions to all of these thoughts. When working as a cashier or in retail at all, some days are better than others. To the customers that are understanding and respectful to their cashier, I speak for all of us when I say thank you!