4 Things the Internet Has Ruined For Me

4 Things the Internet Has Ruined For Me

Thank you, Internet.

1. Supernatural.

Once upon a time, I was a fan of this CW horror fantasy saga. A pretty big one, at that. (I still own seasons one through five on DVD.) This was before I actively used social media -- particularly Tumblr. But as soon as I joined the latter, it was the beginning of the end.
The online fandom was...not superb. People would romantically pair the two main protagonists, Dean and Sam Winchester (which they shamelessly refer to as Wincest) and embarrassingly insert themselves into discourse that had nothing to do with the show. They would often insist that Supernatural taught them a slew of valuable life skills, such as deflecting demons (with the use of salt) and winning knife fights. Yikes.

They were right about one thing: This fandom really does have a gif for everything.

Eventually, even hearing Kansas' 'Carry On My Wayward Son,' (the show's theme song) would warrant some secondhand embarrassment.

But it's not the fandom's fault -- not entirely. Nearly every fanbase is embarrassing in it's own way. But, man...I'm not sure I can carry on (my wayward son) from this one.

Wow, that was terrible. I am very sorry.

2. Bendystraws Cumberdink.

I mean, Benedict Cumberbatch.

I've never met the man; I'm sure he's kind and intelligent. I thought he gave a stupendous performance in the Imitation Game. And he once acted his way out of a kidnapping attempt, so there's that.

Yet, the internet has ruined any semblance of respect, (or otherwise) general interest I may have felt for Benadryl Cumberbund. Like one of Pavlov's dogs, I predominantly make this knee-jerk reaction upon seeing Buttercup Cramplecrunch in, well, any context:

Why do people have such a distaste for him? How did this happen? Is it his weird, otter-like face? Overexposure?

Nonetheless, Beanbag Candygram has a legion of fans -- and dedicated ones, at that (they're called Cumberbitches. I'm not joking.) And what with the success of the BBC'S Sherlock, I'm certain he's laughing all the way to the bank.

3. My innocence.

I blame Shrek Is Love, Shrek is Life for this one. (Watch at your own risk.) That video was the demise of my sweet, sweet innocence. I won't describe it, as not only is it NSFW, but NSFASE -- Not Safe For Any Situation, Ever.

Like zombies emerging from the grave, similarly came the unearthing of the furry community, 2 Girls 1 Cup and the My Little Pony fandom. Whatever minuscule shred of innocence I (somehow) still possessed was just...annihilated.

Any pure and unthreatening thing you can think of likely has a trove of perverted fan-art dedicated to it. Basically, if it exists, there is porn of it. Our childhoods deserved better.

4. My self-control.

I used to think I was sensible. In control. And, boy, did online retail prove me wrong.

I'm a simple girl; I enjoy shopping. And now with the (literally genius) invention of online marketing, I don't even have to get out of bed to buy a blouse. God bless America. There's also something thrilling -- and strangely comforting -- in knowing that a package is on its way.

Even when I'm not actively shopping, pestering adverts constantly remind me of a pair of shoes that I love, but don't own. So, what do I do? Add them to (my already full) shopping cart, look at the total price and immediately close the tab. It's an evil cycle. I will continue to do this until a) I have money, b) lose all rationality, or c) die.

Cover Image Credit: giphy

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right

In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"

35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?

39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"

I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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Poetry On Odyssey: 'Surround'

Inspired by Surround Yourself, an exhibition by Jordan Wilshaw at Eastern Michigan University in April of 2018.

Sound yourself with the doers.

Surround yourself with the movers,

the shakers,

the believers,

the winner,

the crazies.

Surround yourself with the the dreamers.

Surround yourself with the “good ones”.

Surround yourself with the people who just get it — whatever “it” is.

Surround yourself with people you love.
Surround yourself with those who love you.
Surround yourself with love.

Surround yourself with art.


For more art by Wilshaw, see their website here.

Cover Image Credit: Author's Photo

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