1. Supernatural.Once upon a time, I was a fan of this CW horror fantasy saga. A pretty big one, at that. (I still own seasons one through five on DVD.) This was before I actively used social media -- particularly Tumblr. But as soon as I joined the latter, it was the beginning of the end.
The online fandom was...not superb. People would romantically pair the two main protagonists, Dean and Sam Winchester (which they shamelessly refer to as Wincest) and embarrassingly insert themselves into discourse that had nothing to do with the show. They would often insist that Supernatural taught them a slew of valuable life skills, such as deflecting demons (with the use of salt) and winning knife fights. Yikes.
They were right about one thing: This fandom really does have a gif for everything.
Eventually, even hearing Kansas' 'Carry On My Wayward Son,' (the show's theme song) would warrant some secondhand embarrassment.
But it's not the fandom's fault -- not entirely. Nearly every fanbase is embarrassing in it's own way. But, man...I'm not sure I can carry on (my wayward son) from this one.
Wow, that was terrible. I am very sorry.
2. Bendystraws Cumberdink.
I mean, Benedict Cumberbatch.
I've never met the man; I'm sure he's kind and intelligent. I thought he gave a stupendous performance in the Imitation Game. And he once acted his way out of a kidnapping attempt, so there's that.
Yet, the internet has ruined any semblance of respect, (or otherwise) general interest I may have felt for Benadryl Cumberbund. Like one of Pavlov's dogs, I predominantly make this knee-jerk reaction upon seeing Buttercup Cramplecrunch in, well, any context:
Why do people have such a distaste for him? How did this happen? Is it his weird, otter-like face? Overexposure?
Nonetheless, Beanbag Candygram has a legion of fans -- and dedicated ones, at that (they're called Cumberbitches. I'm not joking.) And what with the success of the BBC'S Sherlock, I'm certain he's laughing all the way to the bank.
3. My innocence.
I blame Shrek Is Love, Shrek is Life for this one. (Watch at your own risk.) That video was the demise of my sweet, sweet innocence. I won't describe it, as not only is it NSFW, but NSFASE -- Not Safe For Any Situation, Ever.
Like zombies emerging from the grave, similarly came the unearthing of the furry community, 2 Girls 1 Cup and the My Little Pony fandom. Whatever minuscule shred of innocence I (somehow) still possessed was just...annihilated.
Any pure and unthreatening thing you can think of likely has a trove of perverted fan-art dedicated to it. Basically, if it exists, there is porn of it. Our childhoods deserved better.
4. My self-control.
I used to think I was sensible. In control. And, boy, did online retail prove me wrong.
I'm a simple girl; I enjoy shopping. And now with the (literally genius) invention of online marketing, I don't even have to get out of bed to buy a blouse. God bless America. There's also something thrilling -- and strangely comforting -- in knowing that a package is on its way.
Even when I'm not actively shopping, pestering adverts constantly remind me of a pair of shoes that I love, but don't own. So, what do I do? Add them to (my already full) shopping cart, look at the total price and immediately close the tab. It's an evil cycle. I will continue to do this until a) I have money, b) lose all rationality, or c) die.