1) "Why haven't you read (insert any random book title) yet? It's a classic!"
Says who? Unless you're a fellow English major, I'm going to seriously doubt the credibility your so-called classic title. And if the book actually turns out to be a classic, why should that dictate what I read? How do you think that great literature is discovered and becomes a classic? If English majors only read the already discovered classics, that would leave a lot of miraculous work to be unappreciated by the rest of the world's non-English major eyes. All English majors aren't created equally. Just as medical students are specialized in one or two areas, English majors follow suit. Some of us are concentrating in literature studies while others are technical writing enthusiasts - it's all a matter of interest.
2) "So you don't want a normal job?"
Actually, most of us have what you call a normal job. We spend our nine-to-fives as teachers, editors, and technical writers. And even if we don't have a job you would describe as normal, who are you to judge? We have to battle the same traffic you do to get home. We pay taxes. We live next to people just like you. We mow our lawns, we buy groceries at the supermarket, we have dental appointments. We have to live similar lives to yours and go through similar experiences, but you have the audacity to believe that our writing job is abnormal? What if I were to tell you that sitting in an office eight hours a day is not what English majors constitute as normal?
3) "Why don't you do something more practical?"
You don't consider communication practical? Can you interpret what I'm writing? Thank an English teacher. Do you know how to sign your name in order to deposit a check? Thank an English teacher. Can you voice your (very judgemental) opinion about my career choice? Thank an English teacher. Out of all of the majors on campus, I would have to say that English majors have the most practical major of them all! Without written word, your major would be nothing. How do you learn all of the prior knowledge needed before you can land your dream job? You can't get on-the-job training while you perform your first heart surgery. You can't fly thousands of feet above the ground without knowing how to control an airplane. You must have prior knowledge of a task before you can attempt to perform it. Where do you get this knowledge? Textbooks. Written language. You can't get any more practical than being an English major. Why don't you do something more practical?
4) "What do you actually do?"
Anything I want to. I can manipulate the twenty-six letters of the alphabet and make you feel emotions you never believed you could. I can make you weep as I bring the harsh truth of life to your attention for the first time in your life. I can make you feel anger far more intense than ever before by degrading your morals and telling you that your way of life is incorrect. I can make you feel empathy for a character you never thought you'd see eye to eye with. What do I actually do? I make sense of this vast universe we live in. I make you become aware of your very being in this mentioned universe. I make you feel alive. What do you actually do?
