My first real experience with Nora Ephron was after her death. My true understanding of the importance and impact of her life's work was really not until I read the testimonials from celebrities post-mortem. Yes, I had seen "Sleepless in Seattle." Yes, I had seen "You've Got Mail." Yes, I had seen "When Harry Met Sally." Yes, I had seen "Julie & Julia." I had not known, however, that both of those non-polarizing romantic comedies were both from the pen of Ephron.
As a young woman writer living in New York City, I wish I would have known about Ephron far before her death. I wish I would have read her words before I moved to the city. I wish I would have read her words while I was maturing as a woman. I wish I would have become exposed to her words beyond "Seattle" and "Mail." That, however, did not happen. I, instead, stumbled upon Ephron's collection of columns in book form, "Crazy Salad & Scribble Scribble," while perusing the New York City Library. I was looking for a non-fiction book that would help shape me as a young woman, hopefully change me even. This book may have done that.
Ephron, who died in 2012, was not only a prolific screenwriter but also a proud member of the women's liberation movement. She worked alongside with Gloria Steinem. She fought for women's rights with Betty Frieden, author of "The Feminine Mystique." She was there with them, on the ground, as a journalist and as a woman. After reading "Crazy Salad & Scribble Scribble," I learned many lessons about womanhood that I wish I would have been exposed to much earlier in my life. Here are four lessons that Ephron taught me about being a woman:
1. Women are different, people are different
Nora Ephron had famously interviewed Linda Lovelace, the star of the hit pornographic film "Deep Throat." Ephron did not judge Lovelace for her role in a porno, but acknowledged that people are different, women are different. What makes Ephron uncomfortable, isn't the same things as what made Lovelace uncomfortable. As a woman in today's society, we are sometimes pressured into ignoring what makes us uncomfortable. It's OK to be uncomfortable. Acknowledging your discomfort doesn't mean you are setting women back. It doesn't make you any less strong as a woman. As long as acknowledging your discomfort doesn't turn into slut-shaming, it is a totally acceptable thing to do!
2. Your body is not a problem
In her column titled, "Dealing with the, uh, Problem," Ephron details the rise of vaginal deodorant - a product that has no medical need. The product, in fact, could and can actually end up hurting the natural balances of a woman's body. Ephron asserted that the idea that a woman needs to be self-conscious about the way her body smells is a completely manufactured insecurity developed by the man, Leonard Lavin, simply to make money. This same "manufactured insecurity" is one that persists everywhere, especially for women. A plastic surgeon trying to make money makes women feel insecure about the size of their breasts. Makeup companies make women feel insecure about the size of their pores or skin in order to sell their product. This notion is ridiculous. Your body is not a problem and nobody should ever make you feel like it.
3. Having a strong female mentor is important
When she was growing up, Ephron looked up to Dorothy Parker. Before moving to NYC, all Ephron wanted to do was come to the city and be a funny lady like Parker. She wanted to be the type of woman like Parker who made her money off her wit. But unlike Parker, who was the only woman in her field for a time, Ephron realized that Parker's New York is not one that we should aspire to. We shouldn't aspire to be the only woman at the table. We should aspire to share the table with our other sisters.
4. Strive to break the glass ceiling
In her column entitled, "The Girls in the Office," Ephron discusses a book written by Jack Olsen. In this novel, the author interviewed several women - ranging from 24 to 50 years old - who neither held an executive office or even strived for any higher ambition. Their competitiveness was solely directed at other women. Their energies were spent "scrambling for little favors and petty advances within the lower realm of the company reserved for women only." Strive to break the glass ceiling. Don't lower yourself by competing with other women. Walk hand in hand with your sisters and break free from that realm.
All in all, "Crazy Salad & Scribble Scribble" should be required reading for all women. Thanks Nora for everything!
