The girl inside of me says I'm sorry a lot. She apologizes for breathing. She apologizes for not being enough. She apologizes for admitting defeat and walking an office and exploding on the first person she finds. She apologizes for hating the color burgundy because it was the color of your fuzzy bedspread that she used to shove between the two of you as a safety precation. She apologizes whenever she feels something in her snap whenever someone who knows the story casually drops his name because after all this time she knows he could demolish her with a single word. She apologizes for reeling whenever a car that looks like yours pulls up next to hers. She apologizes for knowing enough to leave but not knowing how to put her organs back inside her. Some days she feels like her heart beats on the outside of her body and it is your fault that all her emotions and feelings are being played out on a huge scale because if everyone knows everything then there can be no hiding and when you don't hide you can't get hurt because everyone can see through you like you're a clear Tupperware of sadness.

I'm sorry I bumped into you.

I'm sorry I spilled your coffee, here take my scarf.

Oh wait, you're a guy.

I'm sorry I won't sleep with you.

I'm sorry you think that means I'm trying to push you away, here hold my body in your hands.

Oh, but...

That's not what you want?

I'm sorry I say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I smile and say okay and when it's not.

I'm sorry that I texted you one hundred poems at two in the morning, I can't help it someone had to hear them.

I'm sorry for the messes and the times I skipped dinner.

I'm sorry that I'm afraid of your love because in some part of me I'm convinced that you're going to take everything, run, and never come back.

I'm sorry that I can't let things go. I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel good enough.

I'm sorry that it's hard for me to accept the fact that you told me to wait "one minute" one hour ago.

I'm sorry that all I've listened to for the past week is "Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots.

I'm sorry that a combination of four letters has completely redefined how I think of you.