We've all heard the statistics. Roughly 50% of married couples eventually end up divorced. This can lead to complications, problems with your children, financial issues, and no small amount of negative emotions.
But why do couples divorce at such a frequent rate?
In most cases, there is no one, singular reason for getting divorced. It usually comes down to multiple issues within the relationship. We're here to break down the top four.
Getting Married Too Quickly
One of the most common reasons married couples get divorced is because they got married too quickly. There's a stark difference between infatuation and love.
Infatuation (also known as puppy love) is what you feel at the beginning of the relationship. This is before you've had time to annoy one another or see the other person's flaws.
During this phase, many couples fall head-over-heels and decide to tie the knot. Unfortunately, they haven't had time to truly get to know one another. Then, they move in together and all the skeletons start to come out of their closets./
Lack of Communication
Effective communication is one of the most important elements of any successful relationship. Sadly, most people allow hurt feelings and negative emotions to cloud their ability to effectively, respectfully and responsibly communicate.
Instead, we say things we don't mean, overreact, take things personally, yell, etc. This alienates our partner and makes our problems worse.
Conversely, some people choose to hold their feelings in, rather than express themselves openly. This can be just as problematic and damaging to a relationship. It often leads to bitterness and resentment.
Married couples often get divorced because one or both partners have broken the other's trust. In most cases, broken trust is a result of infidelity. Being unfaithful also makes the other person feel unattractive, unappreciated, and insecure.
It's difficult to regain your trust in the person because infidelity can cause a lot of trauma (on multiple levels). If you're wondering, "Should I take my spouse back?" you can read about it here.
However, trust issues can extend to other areas of the relationship. For example, if one spouse has a secret credit card or bank account, it's a type of financial infidelity.
If the only solution to your trust issues in your relationship is to get divorced, find a divorce lawyer to start the process of separation.
Opposing Life Goals
Finally, you might need to think about divorce if you and your partner are at odds with your future. People grow and change over time, even within a relationship. It's not uncommon for couples to grow apart and want different things as the marriage continues.
This can result in a troubled relationship. For example, if you want to travel but your partner wants to place firm roots in one place for the rest of their life, you could have a difficult time overcoming those differences.
Other opposing life goals include things like careers, finances, hobbies, retirement plans, raising a family, and more.
Are you seeing these signs?
As you can see, married couples get divorced for several reasons.
Usually, it's not one thing that drives a couple apart, but many. If you and your spouse no longer see eye to eye look for some of the crucial signs and signals of a potential divorce before it's too late.
What are some of those signs?
- A loss of interest in sex
- They act indifferent to you
- Hiding their phone
- Being gone from home more than usual
- Seeing "divorce" or "attorney" on their computer search history
How to turn things around
If you see any of those above signs, don't delay.
Now is the time to save your marriage before it's too late. Too many marriages end because of complacency and ego. Don't think you can get by just on auto-pilot, no matter how good a life you may be providing.
As the saying goes, marriage is like a garden; it has to be watered and nurtured.
So talk to your spouse. Step up your game. Talk to a therapist. It's totally normal for couples to start taking one another for granted. It's also totally normal for couples to stop trying to woo their partner.
And many couples also stop taking care of themselves.
So get back to the gym, get back to your hobbies. Dress better, and treat your spouse like you did when you were first dating.
It's not too late, but at some point soon, it could be.
Even if you got married for the wrong reasons, that doesn't mean you can't make your marriage work.
But marriage takes work, effort, and constant nurturing.
That doesn't mean that "work" can't be fulfilling and rewarding. But it's naive to think you can just coast once they've said "I do".
The best marriages maintain mystery and romance, decades after saying their vows, and yours should too.