This post is covering week 29.
I have not given up, and I will continue to get back up to speed as quickly as possible. Again, I will be only posting the poetry without a description (unless it's required) due to time constraints. Still, many of the poems I will be posting will be quite depressing. Forgive me for that.
As usual, for those of you who do not know why I am doing this, I will quote my first article here:
“I have realized that a great way to keep sane when you’re busy (especially with very tedious work) is to keep your creativity flowing. So recently, I have decided to start a sort of creative goal for myself. I’m going to write 365 poems. That is one every day without stopping. This is all free form and off the cuff. So if it’s short, long, good, and/or crap, that is up for you to decide.”
Please enjoy.
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April, 24th 2017
196 of 365
Socially Inept
Taking chances to disappoint myself
And I know it's the outcome
Always worrying about the future
When today is the only day you live
Don't take it the wrong way if I don't see you
I just don't know what to say, I don't know what to do
Fear governed by inexperience
I hold those social animals In Reverence
Because my heart is always locked
By the repression I have stocked
But that's something I shouldn't know
At least that's what psychology gloats
With a mind running constantly
Blast the drums with noise to drown the speech
I can hear the sighs that carry over
Even though I can't see your face anymore
Taking chances to disappoint myself
And I know it's the outcome
Always worrying about the future
When today is the only day you live
I try hard to understand why I'm nervous
But I keep running from courage
Comfortable in my hole, alone
So Isolated I've developed my own code, to hum
Music does bring me temporary peace
Blast the drums with noise to drown the speech
I truly never meant to hurt you so
My body lives in the unknown
Positivity amounts to nothing
When you're on a path of self destruction
You were right to run from this man
I don't have the luxury to run from who I am
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April, 25th 2017
197 of 365
Who am I?
No one ever asks questions
Is it wrong to want to be interesting?
To want what you see in others?
I find myself quite mundane
And maybe it's because no one sees me
No one seems interested
Am I really just the same as everyone else?
So much so that no questions are needed?
Maybe that's why I talk about myself
Because no one ever asked
An inferiority complex built from my past
Toppled by the fear of being forgotten
Is that reflection really me?
With a soul slowly becoming rotten
I can see why no one asks now
I just needed to move the wall
They see someone damaged and lost
Someone they'd never want to know
But that friendship would heal
They can show me who I really am
If only they would ask something
I would have a reason to remember again
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April, 26th 2017
198 of 365
I Just Don't See It
So many things I say and do that keep me up at night
The way I treat those I love and the silence I entice
But am I really being myself by hurting someone else
Because I don't think I deserve your care or your help?
A dichotomy of thoughts constantly parades my mind
I'll accept all of your love and push you away at the same time
I cannot understand it and cross way too many lines
Once you get to know me you'll sadly see my paradigm
I hope that you'll forgive me for who I am
I'm sorry for the things that I don't understand
I'm only a human who was born a man
And nature selected me as a part of its plan
I'm still trying to figure it out
When I should stay or stick out in a crowd
I know that I talk way too loud
It is no wonder that I'm closed up now
And I end up in the same situations
Both unrequited and in separation
Even if we had a strong correlation
I wouldn't be able to see it without a bold conveyance
It's a fact that we won't agree
The same can be said for anything
Since there are things I can't see
It can't be anything other than me
---
April, 28th 2017
199 of 365
Imitation of Love
Ironic those that want love get the sluts
Lovers do fall prey to those that con
Is this what they mean by opposites attract?
It takes patience and perseverance for love
And if you're desperate, you'll settle for far less
Even if they steal, hurt, blame, and desecrate you
You'll accept what you think you deserve
You'll accept what you've lived through before
Even when everyday is a fucking game
In pain you'll find your own sick comfort
Because that's the way it is, that's what it has come to
You're stuck in a situation you've grown accustomed to
Any actual care brings you discomfort
Since that day you were arrested under the covers
Actions of another that could not be controlled
You feel the unjustly blame they place
Unstoppable, unwarranted, surreal
What is this world, where He would allow this?
You cannot repair this soul
Burdened by the sins of a lover
But you're still more comfortable in hell
Since that's all you've ever know
When the touch of another makes you sick
There's nowhere else for you to turn
It's forever burned into your heart
This imitation of love
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Yes, I’m proud to say I have completed 200 poems so far!
April, 29th 2017
200 of 365
The Lost Knight
I don't know where my mind has gone
It's truly been lost all along
Minding my own, but still keeping up
Shaving my inside for the dumb
To be who I used to be
Would take many trials of therapy
I've changed myself so much
I no longer see the same way up
The enthusiasm of life is lost
Just to be like everyone else? Was that worth the cost?
Trade in my creativity
For people who take my generosity
Who don't see the immense energy
Spent on their vacancy
My decisions end up desperate
As I surround myself with regrets
Let's keep something going that should have died
Cover all our skeletons in lies
Sacrificially ostracized for beautiful eyes
I am no more wise than I was those nights
I never give up a fight, only when it's right
Since my light is now darkened trite
I no longer stand out, only when I write
Because it's a glimpse of that lost knight
Out of my grasp, out of my sight
The me I wish I could recite
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This is probably one of the darkest poems I have ever written, at least in my opinion. It’s basically the moments that someone experiences before death after getting shot, or stabbed, or whatever you want to choose. Someone dying before their time, in a sense.
April, 30th 2017
201 of 365
The Most Common Shock
What are those chimes you hear when you die?
Do you live out all of your tumultuous lies?
Do you see the faces of those that would cry?
Worrying so much about what is to come
You didn't even stop to enjoy some
Vision blurs into the reverberated tone
So young and with so much potential
Self fulfillment until it's inconsequential
Numb to the surroundings once tangible
You saw the wrong chances, took the wrongs turns
With no time to stand, and no time to learn
No one there to reprimand the bridges that you burn
The clouds were much thicker that day
It was unprecedented, no words to convey
In this dismal way, to everyone's dismay
Did you go up or did you go down?
Were you planted firmly in the ground?
Is it vacuous nihilism abound?
Do you see anymore?
Do you smell anymore?
Do you taste anymore?
Can you feel anymore?
Can you hear anymore?
"I'm gonna get something to eat, where are the keys?"
As you picked them up from the dresser with ease
I never thought this phrase would haunt my dreams
I'm so sorry
I'm so very sorry
I never got to tell you I'm sorry
It was okay for you to be selfish
But you didn't change, you couldn't help it
So intimidating which became so helpless
Truly someone to reminisce
Truly a life we'll sorely miss
I hope you enjoyed this terrestrial trip
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May, 1st 2017
202 of 365
The Wrong Kind of Love
Why do I get attached to those that hurt me
Only showing trust to those that desert me
Always coveting the things I can never have
It's like a splinter in a place I can't scratch
When will my mind calm down
It's clouding what I need to do right now
If there's a way I don't know how
Because that beautiful face shouts so loud
I knew the way you were when I met you
Including the gossip that besets you
Always so fickle and ferocious
Then why is that I want you the closest?
When will my mind calm down
It's clouding what I need to do right now
If there's a way I don't know how
Because that beautiful face shouts so loud
Can't get you off my mind
Even when you walk on by
Can't get you off my mind
How can I pass this time?
Can't get you off my mind
Even when you walk on by
Can't get you off my mind
How can I pass this time?
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Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know if you have any feedback, thoughts, or topics for me to write about.
