Had a bad week? Need a good laugh? Want to groan in exasperation because of horribly wonderful puns? Look no further than this post!
Puns have always been my favorite thing to tell to cheer up people, even if they end up slapping me for it. Here are some of my favorites. (Disclaimer: Most of these I've found on the Internet). I recommend listening to this with a drum kit so you can go: ba dum tssss
1. What's the difference between cat and comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws and one has pause at the end of its clause.
2. What's the worst thing about planning a party in space?
You have to planet.
3. I was at an emotional wedding
Even the cake was in tiers.
4. What does your home wear?
Address
5. Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?
They take things, literally.
6. The furniture store kept calling me
But all I wanted was one night stand.
7. What about your brain transplant?
I heard you changed your mind
8. I'm on a sea food diet.
Every time I see food, I eat it.
9. My friend wants to annoy me with bird puns.
Toucan play at that game.
10. What did the tree say to autumn?
Leaf me alone!
11. Dr. Frankenstein entered a body building competition.
He soon realized that he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
12. You're not a true fan!
You're right. You're only a true fan if you're powered by electricity, have multiple blades, and spin around really fast.
13. What did the succulent say to the cacti?
Looking sharp!
14. What did one ocean say to another ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
15. What do you call a cat that drinks lemonade?
A sour puss
16. Where does Noah keep his bees?
In the ark-ives
17. What does the pastry therapist say?
Donut neglect your own happiness
18. Are you serious?
No I'm Sirius. Sirius Black, that is.
19. How does a sea creature ask you out?
Whale you go out with me?
20. What's the tallest building at Coe?
The library -- it has the most stories!
21. Inspunational?
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?
You matter.
22. What do you call a cow on grass?
Moo-lawn
23. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat
24. What kind of animals can't stand puns?
Bears -- they find them unbearable
25. Did you hear about that zoo?
It only had dogs in it. It was a shitzu.
26. My paper towels went missing, so I had to hire a Bounty hunter.
Ba-dum tssssssss
27. Why do we call them tea parties when we could call them
Parteas!
28. Those months though.
Can February March? No but April, May.
29. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!!
30. Who says lowercase letters are for the lower class?
A capitalist
31. Did you hear about germs?
They're the only culture some people have
32. The difference between chalkboards and whiteboards is?
Whiteboards are remarkable!
33. What do mermaids call their friends on?
Shellphones
And finally....
34. What do you think of all these puns?
If you're a cow, you'd think they're amoosing.
That's it! I'm sorry if you died from laughter, or groaned yourself into oblivion. I'll pun into you next week!
