304 Days

Day one,

I felt myself blush uncontrollably and laugh hysterically when you drank your white chocolate mocha too fast.

Day fourteen,

You took my hand into yours and held me against your chest because I forgot my jacket, as usual, in the car.

Day twenty-four,

You wanted to know how ticklish I was and kept reaching for my sides, as the person in the drive thru angrily waited for us to order. You stopped tickling and pulled me close. You looked directly into my eyes, and I yours.

Day forty,

It was almost Valentines Day. I gave you a red knit sweater and you gave me a watch engraved with my full name, and the nickname my family calls me in place of a middle one. I told you I loved you and you told me you were scared to love me because you didn't want to lose me.

Day fifty-five,

We had our first serious argument. You said marriage was something you wanted soon and I told you I did too, but asked what the rush was. "We're still getting to know each other," I found myself repeating time and time again.

Day seventy-nine,

You sat next to me and inhaled the coconut scent of the shampoo in my hair while I tried to flip my camera and capture a sentimental moment of us, or you, actually.

Day ninety-five,

I was still upset you didn't do anything for my birthday, but you were dealing with your own demons, so I put my frustrations aside.

Day one-hundred and thirty-three,

As we walked through a museum, you kept pulling my sweater down, saying it wasn't long enough. I figured images of survivors of the Holocaust would have been more important than my sweater in that moment.

Day one-hundred and sixty-seven,

I'd wait all day to receive your text at 11:49 PM every single night. You were busy, I understood.

Day two-hundred,

Reluctantly, you met my friends. I wanted them to know the person who made me happy. They said we fit together, that we worked. I was glad others recognized my efforts to make us appear so.

Day two-hundred and fifty,

Our fights happened more often, every few weeks. Getting rid of some short shirts and cutting off guy friends was something I could do for you. After all, wasn't that what compromise was? I'd come running back to you each time.

Day two-hundred and eighty-three,

We sat in the car and would eat your favorite cheesesteak from that one food truck. I'd watch, as it noticeably became the highlight of your week instead of the time you spent with me. We'd sneak away and I'd sink my head into the warmth of your neck. I'd look up, right at you, and each time you'd nod your head, asking me what I was thinking without using your words.

Day three-hundred,

You'd been more busy than usual. You said you had family over and you'd text me when you got the chance. I went back to studying.

Day three-hundred and four,

You texted me on a Monday night at 11:49 PM. I anxiously grabbed my phone and opened your message. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and unfortunately I don't think this relationship is the best thing for me anymore," is the first thing I was hit with. It continued, for what felt like years. "I feel nothing for this relationship anymore" and "it's cruel to keep dragging it out like this." I could no longer feel my heart beating.

Today,

You tossed me aside, as if I meant nothing; trying to erase every trace of me. I pleaded to speak with you in person, hoping you'd look into my eyes and remember every ounce of love you had for me, buried deep inside. But there was nothing in your hollow soul or empty eyes, as you looked directly upon my flushed face. You came back to me, just for a moment, because you weren't entirely convinced you were ready to give up on us. But all I could see was the emotionless being, the one I once loved and would've done anything for, sitting inches away from me as he said he no longer felt anything. I am finding ways to put back the pieces of what you shattered. I ask God to give me ease and let me breathe without memories of us replaying in my head. I sit in my car and exhale out the sadness, to clear my head and get ready for what I experience next.

In a matter of two weeks,
You managed to tear apart everything we built over 304 days.