Born and raised in such a culturally diverse yet connected community, it's easy for me to forget that the many people residing in the rest of the United States are forced to make assumptions, some more uninformed than others, about the modern society and local traditions of Hawai‘i. They are sometimes so unaware that we cannot help but both take slight offense and find amusement when we talk to them about our home state.
Here are some of the many thoughts that have run across the minds of Hawai‘i locals in the first few weeks of being on the mainland, whether it's during the homesickness phase of culture shock or doing the typical name-and-where-you're-from college introduction.
1. “For the six millionth time, it’s ha-wuh-i, I know Wikipedia says ha-wy-i, try pronounce it one more time…nope, still wrong.”
2. “But how is it a graduation if you’re not bombarded with a crapload of lei?”
3. “It’s like I have no 'uncles' or 'aunties' here.”
4. “Please don’t ask me if I surf, please, don’t ask…aaand it's too late, you're asking.”
5. “So I know that you don’t know that this explanation you just asked for is going to force me to include a lot of town names that are Hawaiian."
"And I really don’t want to do it because all I’m going to get back is your dumbfounded stare.”
6. “In response to your question, yeah, I ride my dolphin every day to school."
"From my grass shack, obviously.”
7. “For the eight millionth time, I’m not native Hawaiian."
"Yes, Hawai‘i has its own culture and language, but ancient cultural traditions and local Hawai‘i traditions are two very different things. My descendants are Asian immigrants, not of native ancestry to the land. Bottom line, I ain’t Hawaiian.”
8. “Yeah, ask me again if I eat pineapple every day, I dare you.”
9. “What’s the mainland translation for ‘hapa?’”
10. “Flip-flops? What are you even talking…oh, you mean slippers?”
11. “North, east, I don’t know…all I know is that the stadium is mauka to the I-65.”
12. "So this is what it feels like not to deal with bumper-to-bumper, rush hour traffic every single morning..."
13. “Damn, those gas prices are insanely low.”
14. “A two-hour commute on the daily?!"
"At home, I hesitate to make a 30-minute drive.”
15. “Truth be told, I will never feel comfortable going 80mph on a freeway.”
16. “Yeah, I really don’t know any state geography."
17. “Below 65˚ today…better grab my North Face fleece.”
18. “A parka…I think I know what that looks like.”
19. “I’m trying my best to enjoy the view from up here, but where's the ocean?"
"Or any body of water for that matter...”
20. “From the plane, everything is just so…brown…and flat.”
21. “Can’t believe you’re making a big deal about that tiny rainbow in the distance…I had two double rainbows over my house last week.”
22. “Am I crazy, because I swear I can literally taste the treatment chemicals in this tap water.”
23. “Spam is delicious, what are you even talking about?"
"All you need is rice and dried seaweed…bam, perfection.”
24. “How did I ever think this could compare to Teapresso Bar or Taste Tea?”
25. “Man, what I would give for a bowl of ramen from Gomatei right now.”
26. “I…miss…poke."
27. “I bet some li hing powder would taste perfect on this.”
28. “Are we getting Trader Joe’s for just family and friends, or coworkers, too?”
29. “If we don’t stop by a Sonic, In-N-Out Burger or Chik-fil-A before the airport, this whole trip will have been pointless.”
30. "Oh my god, you’re from Hawai‘i, too?"
"Finally someone that can relate with me. Man, I miss Zippys’ chili so much, you feel?"
