I've seen Gossip Girl now about a million times, and every time I watch it, I hate Dan Humphrey more and more. There is literally nothing good about him... literally... nothing. If you're my friend you've heard it repeatedly that I despise this character. Now, it's time to go into depth why I hate this man.
1. He was Gossip Girl. Big surprise, right? Every single fan saw this coming from the first episode. There was not one surprised person viewing the final episode.
2. He's not Chuck Bass. I would sell my soul for Chuck Bass, so anyone who isn't him kind of sucks.
3. His best friend is Nate Archibald, the other worst character on the show. Don't even get me started on Nate. He is the most mopey character on the show. Someone slip him some antidepressants. You have to be pretty crappy to not only deal with him, but to be his best friend.
4. He married his step-sister. Seriously?! You guys held your parents back from getting together, then you guys were step-siblings, then you weren't and you were married. Gross.
5. He stood in the way of Chuck and Blair being together. Nonetheless, right after Serena confessed her love for him. The Dair plot line was the bane of my existence. Even though they did end up together, the wait was far too much for me.
6. This haircut. Who told you to do this?
7. This haircut too. Who said this was okay? Please stop with the messy artist look.
8. He exposed all of his best friend's secrets in his novel, Inside. Do I even have to elaborate?
9. All of his hyper masculinity. All. Of. It. You're barely a man, get used to it.
10. He dated Georgina. Yeah, Georgina was more interesting than him, prettier than him, and had more depth as a character than him, but oh my, the things she did to Serena are unforgivable.
11. His Brooklyn righteousness. No one freaking cares that you're from Brooklyn, it doesn't make you better than anyone on the Upper East Side, get used to it.
12. His knight-in-shining armor complex. Bro, you can't save the girls. You can't even save yourself.
13. He is the least interesting character on the show. Please!!! Give!!! Him!!! Some!!! Depth!!! I groan every time he walks on screen.
14. He ruined Blair's chances of going to Yale. The one thing the poor girl worked for from the time she tried on her father's sweatshirt, and she didn't get it because Dan is a selfish prick.
15. He alienated all of his friends. On multiple occasions.
16. He alienated his family. Rufus was such a good father to both Dan and Jenny, and yet Dan still found a way to alienate him.
17. He looked down on Serena for allegedly sleeping with her teacher, then had an affair with a professor. Such a hypocrite.
18. Chest hair! It ain't cool, shave it, wax it, pluck it. Whatever you do, do something for everyone's sake.
19. He sent Serena into a drug binge. The poor girl worked so hard to make a better life for herself, and he had to mess it up with his selfish antics. She loved you, why couldn't you see that?
20. Not even Penn Badgley likes him. "Douchebag," and "white privilege" are just some of the words Badgley has used to describe the most self-involved character. When the person who plays the character doesn't like him, you know there's something wrong with him.
21. He pretended that he wasn't Gossip Girl, even when he was in his room alone.
22. Slut shaming!!!! He was angry at Serena was sleeping with Nate at the wedding, even though it was consensual, then expected her to still sleep with him.
23. He made up Serena's STD scandal. This hurt his best friend, it hurt his own reputation, he had nothing to gain from it.
24. He made up Serena's pregnancy scandal. And then acted completely surprised, like he didn't know it was fake.
25. He has no imagination. "Claire," Serena, and "Dylan Hunter" are some of the unoriginal names that the least creative writer made up for his friends whose lives he wrecked with this novel series.
26. He let literally anyone besides himself take the fall for things he did (as Gossip Girl). Anyone that stood in his way would be taken done, he had no sense of community, no sense of friendship. Everything he did was done with selfish motives.
27. He posted Blair's diary on Gossip Girl. Just one of the girls that was "in love" with that he hurt because she stood in his path.
28. Literally every bad thing he's said about Serena–the supposed "love of his life." How could she end up with him; he hurt her so much.
29. His Oscar Wilde complex. It doesn't make him pretentious, it just makes him a prick.
30. Misogyny, amirite? How does someone hate women so much?
