30 Terribly Wonderful Jokes Your Friends Will Love
Start writing a post

30 Terribly Wonderful Jokes Your Friends Will Love

For the clowns in all of us.

30 Terribly Wonderful Jokes Your Friends Will Love
Screen Rant

I love a good joke. Even more, I love telling a good joke. According to my sense of humor, the best joke is actually a really bad joke that makes me laugh because of how bad or silly it is. Unfortunately, I’m a terrible joke-teller, because — and all of my friends can vouch for this — I laugh at my own jokes. Sometimes to the point where I can’t finish the joke. So it’d be great if other, better joke-tellers could take over for me.

But I’m not totally stopping, because, like one of my favorite songs in Mary Poppins, I love to laugh! (Loud and long and clear.)

1. Where does the king keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

2. Why can’t a nose be twelve inches long?

Because then it’ll be a foot!

3. What do you call a masseuse who hates women?

A massage-ynist!

4. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents!

5. The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

6. What do you call a short psychic who’s escaped from prison?

A small medium at large!

7. What do you call a blind dinosaur?


8. What would a vegan zombie eat?


9. Does anyone need an ark?

Because I Noah guy.

10. Where does Frosty keep his money?

In snow banks.

11. Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side!

12. What did the overly-excited gardner do when spring finally came?

He wet his plants!

13. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

14. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?


15. What did the shoes say to the pants?

“S’up, britches!”

16. Voldemort: Knock knock.

Harry: Who’s there?

Voldemort: You know.

Harry: You Know Who?

Voldemort: Exactly!

17. Who invented the Round Table?

Sir Cumference!

18. A man went to the zoo, and all they had on exhibit was a dog.

It was a shih-tzu.

19. Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they’d say, “Bach, bach, bach!”

20. What do annoying peppers do?

They get jalapeño face!

21. What did the shy pebble wish?

To be a little boulder!

22. What did the policeman say to his bellybutton?

“You’re under a vest!”

23. Why did the cyclops close his school?

Because he only had one pupil!

24. What do you call a sketchy neighborhood in Italy?

A spa-ghetto!

25. What do you do if you witness a ship wreck?

You let it sink in.

26. “What do we want?”

“Low flying airplane noises!”

“When do we want them?”


27. What’s the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

28. Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Because he doesn’t want to be spotted!

29. What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

30. What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?

An investigator.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Now go and tell a joke to every friend you have and make them laugh and hate you at the same time! It's fun, I promise!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

13 Roleplay Plots You Haven't Thought Of Yet

Stuck on ideas for a roleplay? Here you go!

13 Roleplay Plots You Haven't Thought Of Yet

One thing that many creators know is that fun to have characters and different universes to work with but what's the point if you have nothing to do with them? Many people turn to roleplay as a fun way to use characters, whether they're original or from a fandom. It'd a fun escape for many people but what happens when you run out of ideas to do? It's a terrible spot to be in. So here are a few different role play plot ideas.

Keep Reading... Show less

Deep in the Heart of Texas

A Texan's responsibilities when introducing an out-of-stater to Texas culture.


While in college, you are bound to be friends with at least one person who is not from Texas. Now Texas is a culture of its own, and it is up to you to help introduce them to some good ole Texas traditions during their time here. Show your friends that famous Southern hospitality!

Keep Reading... Show less

Marching Through March

Some appreciation for the month of March.


I love the entire year. Well, for the most part. I'm not a big fan of Winter, but even then, every month has something that's pretty great. November? Thanksgiving. December? Winter Holidays. January? New Year's. February? Valentine's and Single Awareness Day. May? Existential dread during finals. But for me, March has always been my favorite month of the year, and for good reason.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

See what's trending in our creator community!

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Welcome to post-spring break week on Odyssey! Our creators have a fresh batch of articles to inspire you as you hit the books again. Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading... Show less

5 high paying jobs don't need a college degree

Trade School Graduates Make Lucrative Careers Without College Debt

5 high paying jobs don't need a college degree

The common belief that a college degree is a prerequisite for a high-paying job is no longer as accurate as it once was. In today's fast-paced and ever-evolving world, many lucrative career opportunities do not require a traditional four-year degree. As an expert in career development and workforce trends.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments