We often hear about how important it is to be a light or blessing to others. However, people usually do not give enough attention to the multiple ways and reasons why we should try to also be blessings unto ourselves. Sometimes we just need to step back and reassess the situation, but true enlightenment starts at the self. In fact, a little time and self-reflection can drastically change one’s perspective and entire attitude.

To regain control of your life and outlook, consider replacing some negativity with more self-acceptance and forgiveness.

1. Ditch the regret.

Remember just about every instance when life refused to go your way? Yeah, me too for the longest time. Thinking that missed expectations were somehow because of my own shortcomings made all the missed trips or conversations seem so much more significant than they actually were. After a while, though, I had to realize and accept that some problems or changes are simply unavoidable. Even better, sometimes not having life work out according to my plans or desires actually benefitted me. Instead of spending all your time stressing over and wishing for what could have or should have been, think about everything you gained from having to take another route. Sure, maybe it wasn’t the sudden ability to adapt to change. However, even the darkest and deepest regrets can have a silver lining.

2. Let go of self-blame.

You will make mistakes. We all do from time to time. That’s why so many people encourage each other to view every mistake as a learning experience. However, when we dwell on our past accidents and failures, we can never really move on. All we learn then is just how little we believe we deserve peace or progress. For example, think about all the potential relationships you might be missing out on because you cannot let go of what happened in a previous one. It’s fine to accept blame when it is actually earned, but don’t let it fester. I swear, you have much better things to do during your free time. All that extra stress or self-doubt is just taking its toll on your health and happiness, and you don’t need that. Do your penance then move on. Your heart and mind will thank you for it.

3. Stop comparing yourself.

I’m going to rip the bandage off: you are an original human being, so why pretend to be someone you are not? We don’t need an army of imitations marching through life when it is far more beautiful to live and stumble as yourself. Hold on to your individuality. Also, since we are all different, no one should expect us to pass through various life stages at the same pace, right? Then there is no need to want to try to “catch up” like life is just one really long race. Everyone develops, drives, graduates and marries at different times, if at all. Sure, there might be some overlap, but everyone grows at distinct speeds and levels for the most part. That’s the entire basis of life: discovering your own purpose at your own pace. Discover and enjoy what makes you unique, because there is beauty in diversity.