Sometimes in life, you meet people who you struggle not to punch. For those times, I've compiled a handy little list for when words will just have to suffice. To be honest, this list was created because sometimes there are things that I think, but that I cannot say out loud. Go forth and use as you please, darlings!
1. This is why people talk about you when you're not around.
2. Has anybody ever told you that you're incredibly average?
3. I love how you state the obvious with such a sense of discovery.
3. Well I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
4. I've been called worse things by better people, sweetheart.
5. Well that's not an age appropriate response.
6. You're about as bright as a black hole... maybe twice as dense though.
7. I don't think about you at all.
8. You do realize that people just tolerate you, right?
9. I can't imagine what qualities you may have that would compensate for your behavior in public.
10. I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.
11. Wow, you've really lived up to your potential.
12. I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
13. Everyone who has ever loved you was wrong.
14. Ah, so you're the reason we have warning labels on everything.
15. Okay, now try again but use your big boy words.
16. Somewhere out there, there is a tree working very hard to replace the oxygen you consume. Now go apologize to it.
17. You have purchased real estate on my nerves. You now LIVE on my nerves.
18. The only way you'd get smarter is if you died and came back as a turnip.
19. Wow that must have been difficult, to exhaust your entire vocabulary in one sentence.
20. I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone.
21. Maybe if you keep rolling your eyes you'll find a brain back there.
22. I wasn't insulting you. I was describing you.
23. I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you, you child.
24. If you were any less intelligent, I'd have to water you twice a week.
25. You're like the human version of stepping on a lego.
26. I worship the ground that awaits your grave.
27. See, I can already tell that history is going to judge me for not having punched you.
28. Go play with something poisonous.
