When encountering a redhead, whether they are a friend, a relative, or a complete stranger, there are likely to be several thoughts and questions running through your head.
After all, these people are nearly as rare as unicorns. Of the many questions floating around, please be sure to avoid these, unless you'd like to see how many redheads it takes to send a person to the hospital.
1. Are you Irish?
Believe it or not, not everyone with red hair has Irish ancestry.
2. Is that your natural hair color?
Are you a member of the American Board of Certified Haircolorists? No? Then maybe you shouldn't ask such a rude question.
3. Have you ever considered getting a spray tan?
Not unless I plan on being a carrot for Halloween.
4. Do the carpets match the drapes?
This is never ever ever ever ever ever EVER okay.
5. Can I call you Red/Ginger/Ginge?
What's wrong with remembering my real name?
6. Did you bring sunscreen?
I burn when I sit next to a window. I have sunscreen in every room and bag you can imagine, because I don't want to turn into a lobster.
7. You know you're going extinct, right?
More people carry the gene for red hair than you realize. Sorry, but we won't be gone anytime soon.
8. So you don't have a soul?
If a redhead dyes their hair, do they automatically acquire a soul? If a non-redhead decides to see if redheads have more fun, do they lose their soul?
9. Do you want to go to the beach?
Do I want to spend the next few days in a vat of aloe vera? No, no I do not.
10. Can I play connect the dots with your freckles?
Step away from the Sharpies.
11. What shade foundation do you wear?
The palest shade available. A lot of brands are off limits because their lightest shade still isn't light enough.
12. Is it okay if I call you fire crotch?
I'm not sure if I want to vomit or set you on fire. (See No. 4.)
13. Are you the redheaded stepchild?
First of all, you aren't funny. Secondly, I am. *Followed by five minutes of awkward silence.*
14. Redheads aren't really my thing.
It's your loss.
15. Are you going to steal my soul?
No one wants it. (See No. 8.)
16. Is Ariel your favorite Disney princess?
While I loved "The Little Mermaid", I always hated Ariel. Sixteen and infatuated with a stranger? King Triton needs to lock his youngest daughter in her room and not let her out until it's time to attend Mermaid University.
17. Did you draw on your eyebrows?
Yes, because my eyebrows are practically invisible. I don't do it because I want my eyebrows to be #onfleek: I do it because otherwise I look ridiculous.
18. Does anyone else in your family have red hair?
Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Red hair is recessive, so it's possible that they don't have a living relative with flowing red locks. Do you want to remind them of their dead grandmother? No? Then I would refrain from asking what seems like an innocent question.
19. Hey, at least we're combating "Kick a Ginger Day" with "Hug a Ginger Day"!
Because who doesn't love being randomly grabbed by strangers? Oh yes, that's right, nearly everyone.
20. How much do you love Miranda on "Sex and the City"?
Never assume that all redheads love the one redheaded character on a show.
21. Where did you get that bruise?
Who knows? They always seem to appear out of nowhere.
22. "On Wednesdays, we wear pink!"
Did you ever wonder why in "Mean Girls," Cady didn't own anything pink? Because she had red hair: the end.
23. You should get highlights!
I'd really rather not, but thanks for the unwanted suggestion about how to change my appearance.
24. You know what they say about redheads...
No matter where you were going with this, I can guarantee you that it will be offensive in some way, shape, or form.
25. You must be a Weasley.
Only in my wildest dreams, you non-magical jerk.
