All my life, I have excelled at one specific skill: the art of procrastination. My levels of procrastination know no bounds; it is the one thing I have truly mastered over the past 19 years. So, as a self-proclaimed expert in this skill (with extensive research/experience), I have complied for you, the reader, the thought process of a procrastinator.
Let’s set the scene: It’s a Sunday afternoon. You have put off all the work you had promised yourself you'd get done this weekend until the last minute (again). You decide that enough is enough, and you are definitely going to get everything done right away.
But first…
1.You make a list of all the stuff you need to do. (Don't want to forget anything!)
2.Then, you make a separate list of these things, except this time, you order them from highest to lowest priority.
3. After that, you organize all the things you need to get done into categories, from homework, to studying, to meetings, to extracurricular activities.
4. Then take all that and map everything out hour by hour. Actually, make that minute by minute. You decide your handwriting isn’t neat enough (can’t start off on the wrong foot!), so you type it up. So productive. So neat. Too bad it took an hour and a half to complete.
5. You decide to organize all the work you need to do into binders with the sticky tabs, dividers and all. Is it all pretty looking? Heck yeah. Is it necessary? Probably not.
6. You should create a study music playlist. You gotta be pumped to do your work. Environment and ambience is everything.
7. But wait! Spotify tells you your favorite artist released their new album! It wouldn’t hurt to check out their new stuff… it is to help you study after all.
8. OH MY GOD this hour-long album is EVERYTHING! You need to text all your friends about it! It would be inhumane to deprive them of this masterpiece.
9.Let’s share this album on Facebook and Twitter too, for good measure. The masses need an education about this beautiful music anyway.
10. Hmmm, Facebook has just notified you that your roommate tagged you in a picture from last night. You have to make sure that you look semi-presentable in it.
11. Yeah, your face looks like you are mid-sneeze. You make a mental note to never sneeze in public again, because the world does not need to see that side of you. UNTAG.
12. Might as well scroll through your timeline, since you are on Facebook anyway.
13. Oh HELLO. Who is that attractive male specimen tagged in your high school friend’s (whom you haven’t talked to in about three years) new cover photo? It wouldn’t hurt to just maybe glance at his profile…
14. And you have just spent 40 minutes stalking this dude’s Facebook. On the upside, you have learned that he goes to an Ivy league school, plays three instruments, and rescues puppies... with his supermodel boyfriend. Wow, they are one beautiful couple. Good job, random handsome dude on Facebook you have never met.
15. Okay, okay, now you are going to focus. But first, coffee, because all that social media stalking has made you exhausted.
16. The 35-minute wait for your coffee was worth it. As you chug your latte, you begin the first item on your high priority list, only to start daydreaming about those puppies Facebook boy and his bae rescue. You think about your own puppy and how much you miss him and decide to go look at pictures of your fluff buddy on your cellphone.
17. HOLD UP. This picture of your dog is too adorable to not share. You figure you might as well post it on Instagram. Spread the cuteness and whatnot.
18. Awwww, the cute baby animals Instagram account you follow just uploaded some photos of baby hedgehogs! Let’s check out this hedgehog account. Everyone needs some cute baby hedgehog pictures in their life
19. SO. ADORABLE. CUTENESS OVERLOAD. SO MUCH HEDGEHOG.
20. Shit, you just spent two hours on this Instagram page. Well since its 8 p.m. might as well get some food. Can’t focus on an empty stomach!
21. Probably shouldn’t have spent an hour and half at the dining hall. In your defense, they finally had grilled cheese sandwiches. You are NOT going to pass up those delicious cheesy bits of heaven.
22. You should get some snacks, too, before you go back to studying, you know, since it looks like you are going to have to pull an all-nighter to get the stuff on your four different lists completed.
23.And another cup of coffee to stay awake. A large this time.
24. Time to work! Aw, but the newest episode of your favorite show is online now! It's only 45 minutes…
25. Oh look, there’s that show that everyone has raved about. Maybe watching the first episode wouldn’t hurt.
26.Welp. You just finished half the season. It's now 3 a.m. in the morning, you’re jittery from all the caffeine in your system, your brain is fried, and you have begun to contemplate your life choices. Why does this keep happening?! You vow you will be productive...
...next Sunday.
