We all have Facebook accounts, we all know who I'm talking about. I myself am often guilty of over-sharing. But come on! Nobody wants to spend a half hour discussing the bitch at your office who MAYBE glares at you if you stare at her long enough. We don't care. There are billions of topics we could be discussing over lunch, like the upcoming 2016 Presidential Election or a great recipe book or your current hunt for a roommate. Something that matters, something that can actually be discussed, something that a normal person can engage with and learn/teach something new by the end of the discussion. Don't get me wrong, good friends pretend to care about the things you care about because they care about you. That's their role. But nobody else wants to pretend to care about...
1) How much you hate Obama.
2) How much you hate Law Enforcement.
3) Your "gains." Especially if you post a photo every three days. I mean good for you, but let's talk about something else now.
4) How much you had to drink last night.
5) How you want to do (something) but you're "too lazy."
6) What ugly meal you had for breakfast today. If there isn't a flower made out of a fruit, or (weirdly enough) an avocado, we don't care.
7) How many people you've slept with.
8) Who in your work place annoys you.
9) We don't need to hear literally every text your boyfriend/girlfriend sends you. We get the gist.
10) Your bug bites.
11) What temperature you're most comfortable in.
12) How much sleep you got last night.
13) Whether or not you're lonely.
14) What football player SHOULD have done something else in a certain moment in a certain game instead of what he actually did. 10 years ago.
15) Your brother’s fiancé. If he's not single, nobody cares.
16) Your child's favorite restaurant.
17) Nobody cares about your truck; be it an F-350 or a dinky little beater, we don't care. We don't care if it's washed, if it's muddy, or if your annoying girlfriend is driving it. We don't care.
18) What kind of vaporizer pen you use.
19) We also don't care about whether or not you vape.
20) Your rodent. Nobody cares about your hamster. They MIGHT smile at a photo of a dog if it's doing something cute, or a young kitten, but nobody cares about your hamster.
21) If you painted your nails, and they're only one color.
22) Your ear infection.
23) The fact that you filled up on gas today.
24) The fact that you're low on gas today.
25) That person who was driving like an idiot this morning.
I could spend the rest of my life adding things to this list, and I just might! If anyone has any suggestions for a follow-up piece, email me at hnystro2@mail.umw.edu and I'll take a gander! Just scroll through your Facebook feed like... once. Take note of what your parents' friends are complaining about, or posts from the people who never left your hometown after high school - that's the money ticket right there. I'm looking forward to your emails!
Haley
