Most of these are collected from various places around the web and others I've heard before or got from other people. I love terrible humor, and I do not apologize for any groaning you may do while reading these.
So here they are, in no particular order:
1. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
2. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
3. I went to a dog show the other day. A Yorkie took Best in Show, a Jack Russell took second, and a Scotty took third. I'm starting to think the judges had some sort of All-Terrier motive.
4. Did you hear about the woman who put snakes in her hair to cure migraines? Yeah, it's oddly Medusinal.
5. What'd the conductor say when she found her missing music? SCORE!
6. Did you know that dropping an ant into a glass of water will tell you its gender? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, boy ant.
7. Did you hear about the Chess Grand-master who, after he lost a match, destroyed the table with a massive hammer and called lightning bolts down to destroy his opponent's car? He was banned from future competitions for being such a Thor loser.
8. If you're considering working in a prison library, you'll need to consider both the prose and the cons.
9. A Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders for a minute then responds "I don't think I am." And poof, he disappears. This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they're familiar with Descartes' famous postulate, "I think, therefore I am." But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
10. A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies "no, I'm traveling light"
11. If you see an Apple Store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?
12. Why does Waldo always wear a striped shirt? He doesn't want to be spotted.
13. I went to a zoo the other day, but there was only one dog there. It was a Shitzu.
14. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three, the right, the left, and the final front ear.
15. I don't enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
16. I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.
17. I’m going to make Wi-Fi my Valentine: we have such a connection!
18. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
19. My grade in Marine Biology is below C-level.
20. When the psychic midget escaped the penitentiary, he was a small medium at large.
21. A piece of string walks into a bar and
tries to order a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces
of string here." The string goes back outside, ties himself up, and messes
up his hair. The string goes back into the bar and tries to order again. The
bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string.
"No," says the string. "I'm a frayed knot."
22. A vulture tried to board a plane with two dead raccoons, but the flight attendant said, “Sorry, sir- only one carrion allowed!”
23. Did you hear about all the hidden meanings in the Lion King? Yeah, it's full of Simbalism.
24. The bike couldn't stand on its own because it was two tired.
25. How do you measure the quality of my puns? A sighsmograph!
Did you hate/love these as much as me? Please like and share to entertain your friends!
