Whether you know the character, Schmidt, or not…you will laugh out loud from these quotes.
Why am I obsessed with Schmidt? Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s the way he pronounces words or his impeccable style. Perhaps it’s Schmidt’s willingness to admit when he said something ridiculous. And even though he funds the douchebag jar, I will forever be grateful for the absurdly hilarious comments that come out of his mouth. So, please, do yourself a favor and take a moment to enjoy some quotes from my future husband, Schmidt.
1. “I had figure skating lessons since I was thirteen, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.”
2. “Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?”
3. “I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.”
4. “Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, 'Look at that guy. He couldn’t even get a big cat.'”
5. “Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!”
6. “I can’t talk right now. I’m writing a strongly worded email to my florist.”
7. “Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They are like the people version of pleated pants.”
8. Winston: “How is the yogurt, Schmidt?” Schmidt: “Oh the parfait? It’s parfait.”
9. “What if I had a croissant blog?”
10. “Don’t pretend to know my pain.”
11. “Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata. Now all I have to do is meet him, and then dazzle him to the point that we’re each other’s last call before bed.”
12. “Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called the slippery germ brick?”
13. “It’s on and poppin’ up in here, ya feel?” (While wearing a woman’s robe)
14. “Please take that off. You look like a homeless pencil.”
15. “Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.”
16. “I know what my pogo is, it’s that I dance kind of like a sea snake.”
17. “Jess, are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this, prison?”
18. “Maybe none of us should go to this funeral. The early buzz on this thing is it’s gonna be a real drag.”
19. “You got this, dawg. Look at you, dawg. Look at you! Look at your face!”
20. “Sharmannn (Speaking to Winston’s mom) Sharman! The loft just became big mommas house.”
21. “Youths!”
22. “LLS, ladies love Schmidt.”
23. “I love mango chutney, uh, really any type of chutney.”
24. “Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape.”
25. “Schmidt happens!”
