Well, it's that time of year again. The leaves are changing, blondes are going brunette, and basic girls are hitting their peak as we enter the most fabulous of seasons: fall. While the Instagram posts and delicious scents make this time seem as though everything is fine and dandy like Halloween candy, I am here to inform you of the dangers of this season. With great basic tendencies comes great responsibility, and I have taken it upon myself to ensure the safety of my fellow Pumpkin Spice Latte connoisseurs. Here are some possible hazards that all too many women will face in the current season.
- Falling to her peril off of a ladder while apple picking.
- Burning her tongue on her grande non-fat Pumpkin Spice Latte (add foam and a dash of cinnamon)
- Dying her hair the wrong shade of brunette (emotional injury)
- Acquiring a headache caused by too tight one-size fits all ear warmers (no one’s head is that small)
- Getting her finger bit while taking a cute picture with the goats at the pumpkin patch petting zoo
- Obtaining a small case of carpal tunnel in her thumbs after hours of choosing the right filter.
- Burning down her apartment after forgetting to blow out the Harvest Spice scented candle (financial and housing injury—potential for physical injury but hoping everyone gets out unharmed)
- Receiving a blister from her brand new leather boots
- Wearing last season’s boots (social injury)
- Getting a skin rash from her new Bath & Body Works Sweet Cinnamon and Pumpkin body wash
- Attaining third-degree burns after standing too close to the fire in her fleece jacket
- Falling into the lake at barn dance
- Realizing she’s allergic to hay at barn dance
- Getting her air supply temporarily cut off when her infinity scarf gets caught in the car door
- Receiving a hate-like from her boyfriend’s ex on her newest fall Instagram post (emotional injury)
- Overusing #thankful and #blessed as #Thanksgiving approaches (social injury)
- Landing on a large stick while she attempts to jump into a pile of leaves (while someone stands by to take a picture of course)
- Showing up to a Halloween party in the same outfit as someone else (social injury)
- Breaking her nose by running into something in a haunted house
- Burning her hands as she attempts to pull her store bought heat and eat apple pie out of the oven (but fails to mention she bought it when it appears on her snap story)
- Getting her hair stuck in the zipper of her brand new JCrew vest
- Rolling over her toes with the wagon as she tries to pull her pumpkins (or another human) behind her (while someone stands by to take a picture of course)
- Realizing she has a hole in the butt of her favorite leggings (social injury)
- Trying to convince everyone that she is not #Basic (social injury)
So, ladies, be free to enjoy this colorful and beautiful season, but be careful, there's a reason they call it "Fall."
