It's here. Gone are the days of picnics by the man-made lakes and bike rides with your crew. You thought the heat at the spring training games were bad? I'm sorry, Arizonans. The period of "Brace Yourself" memes is officially over. We have to face it: summer is upon us. As the Arizona Meteor of 2016 came crashing upon us with all its rays and blazing heat, so has summer. In case you forgot, here are the annual traditions we have to look forward to in this Valley of the Sun.
1. Where was spring?
Each year we wish for the same thing: to have a spring. Phoenix has a way of going from chilly winters to burning summers. Touché, Phoenix, touché.
2. Excessive showering.
Is it just me, or do you have to take an insane amount of showers during summer in AZ? Sweaty, sticky skin with a side of droopy makeup? No thank you.
3. Beware the seat belts and leather seats.
Congratulations, you've dodged the hellish seat belt buckles. Too bad you forgot about the leather seats that have only been baking in the sun since you last plopped on them. Guys, let's just say at least you have some advantage. You try wearing these short shorts and taking that pain.
4. Indoor activities.
You can forget hanging out outside. So let's narrow it down to going to the movies, bowling, getting coffee or ice cream, or eating at your favorite restaurant.
5. Too hot to hike.
When out-of-staters ask me what there is to do in Arizona, normally my go-to answer is hiking. All throughout the valley there are beautiful locations to go for a hike, but during the 115+ heat, that's just not possible. If you continue to hike during summer in Phoenix, I applaud you, brave soul.
6. The dehydration is real.
How do you crave something that has no taste? With the amount of sun we get and heat we bare through, you cannot be drinking enough water. Plus, if avoiding heat stroke and passing out isn't motivation, I don't know what is.
7. Weird tan lines.
If you're outside, you are either tanning or burning so when it's time to "suit up," you know Phoenicians are going to be sporting an "interesting" look ...
8. The struggle between A/C and gas.
There is no way you are going to survive the summer without using your A/C, so you can kiss your gas and wallet goodbye. Hey, it's either sweat or tears.
9. Pools or warm baths?
Just when you think you have a nice pool to cool off in, you cannon ball into 80-degree bathwater. Bleh.
10. Washing your car is no longer an option.
Suffering in the heat really isn't worth saving a few bucks. You know it's a problem when the water steams the second it hits the car. Save your self and run it by the car wash instead.
11. Sweat marks, sweat marks, sweat marks...
'Nough said. Our unwelcome bestie during the summer. But if you're really crafty, you'll know white or black clothing will always get you out of this situation.
12. Monsoon (and sandbags) season!
When the rays aren't pouring down, the rain is. Bring on the crazy winds, downpour, and dust! There's no place better suited for flooding than a valley. Hope you have your sandbags ready.
13. Haboobs.
As much as this term gets joked about, haboobs are no joke in Phoenix. You feel like the roads are too foggy to drive (except it's settling dust that's clouding your sight), your allergies are off the charts, and you can actually taste the dirt if you open your mouth. Cue the alarming Dust Storm Warning on your phone!
14. Steering wheel.
Each summer this becomes more of a serious option. For now you can still catch me barely touching my already-melted steering wheel. You know what I mean, where you're just touching the steering wheel enough to drive your car with your dancing fingertips. And yes, my steering wheel has in fact melted from the sunlight...
15. Anything left in the car risks melting or cracking.
Ah, there's nothing like a nice Chapstick explosion to remind yourself nothing is safe. And whatever you do, don't leave your sunglasses on your dashboard -- trust me.
16. Walking outside barefoot.
You thought you were taking the trash out really quickly, who needs shoes? You do.
17. How little time can I spend outside?
Man, it is hot. You always hear people give the classic line, "Well, at least it's a dry heat." Oh let me tell you, it is a dry heat! Which means you need a game plan. Either stay inside where it's cool and safe or figure out how to spend as little time as possible outdoors. Take a cool shower and get ready, run to my car and start the A/C, go to the movies, run back to my air conditioned car, and then bolt back inside when I'm home ... maybe I'll make it.
18. The "Rain!" Facebook posts, tweets, Snapchats, and Instas.
In case you didn't already hear or see the rain, you'll be sure to have your feed flooded with the same post over and over. You know we're deprived when all of your friends can't stop posting about the rain.
But!
19. The outdoor concerts.
One of my favorite things to do in the summer is go to outdoor concerts at Ak-Chin Pavillion! Ak-Chin never fails to disappoint when it comes to their summer lineup (and the lawn tickets are cheap!). Fun people, awesome music, and it's one big party!
20. The sunsets.
21. Days on the lake.
Another one of my favorite things to do during the summer is head up to one of Arizona's lakes. Grab a bunch of friends, maybe rent a boat and water sports gear, and set up camp on the shore -- you're good to go!
22. Cool storms.
As long as you're in a secure area, Arizona night storms are crazy. I love sitting outside with a snack and drink and watching the lightning fill the sky.
23. Night life.
We might be trying to beat the heat during the day, but when the sun goes down, so does the temperature. That's when you'll see us Phoenicians out.
24. Escaping to the beautiful north.
And when it's just too hot in the valley, at least we have Sedona, Flagstaff, Prescott, and other getaways up north to retreat to. The desert might be home to us, but up in northern Arizona is where you'll see some of the most beautiful nature sights the state has to offer.
