24 Questions I Have After Re-Watching The 'Twilight' Series

24 Questions I Have After Re-Watching The 'Twilight' Series

How did I ever think this was top-notch cinematography?

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This past weekend I came to a sudden realization that "Twilight" is still a series that exists and I have access to all five movies. I, like many gross middle schoolers, read all the books after my mom gave me permission and I swooned at how amazing I thought they were. And I won't even lie about it: I definitely fantasized about meeting a guy like Edward Cullen. And now, roughly ten years later, I re-watched the films out of pure curiosity and boy oh boy do I have some questions about what I saw.

1. First of all, what was Kristen Stewart's face reactions?

Obviously, she's a much better actress than she was ten years ago. But we all have to admit that the face reactions, over-the-top sighs, and rapid blinking were just a little too much.

2. Why was Bella so darn clumsy?

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There's no way anybody can be that clumsy and just that bad at staying on their own two feet! Falling down every once in a while is decent characterization, but for it to keep happening over and over and over is a little ridiculous.

3. Why does everyone in the new school know who Bella is immediately?

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This confusion may lie in the fact that I went to a high school where just my graduating class had 700 students, and the idea of anybody being aware that there was a new student on campus was slim to none. But was the school really just that small that everyone immediately knew who she was and had to treat her like a celebrity?

4. Can we talk about why this was Edward's reaction after first seeing Bella?

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Edward has zero chill, there is no reason for him to be that extra with his reaction to her walking into the room.

5. Was "It's the fluorescents" really the best excuse Edward could give when Bella questioned him about his eyes changing color?

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You could've just told Bella she was tripping instead of making yourself look stupid with that lame excuse.

6. Why did Edward tell Bella they shouldn't be friends after he blatantly ignored her and looked like he wanted to vomit at the first sight of her?

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It's not even like he was acting remotely friendly to begin with.

7. The scene where Edward acts like he's the worst monster imaginable, but then he just starts...sparkling?

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Sorry that your diamond encrusted body doesn't immediately shout "Mass Blood-Sucking Murderer".

8. Also, the chimes sound effects is a little much.

This scene is ridiculous to begin with, and the idea of a vampire sparkling in the sunlight is already difficult to grasp in the first place, and the added chime sound effect makes this scene more comical than anything else.

9. And why did everyone just overlook the fact that Edward watched Bella while she slept? Why were we all okay with that?

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THIS ISN'T SOMETHING TO SWOON OVER, BELLA. YOU HAVE A STALKER.

10. Also, how does Edward drive? He must need a driver's license and for that you need a SSN and a birth certificate and Edward's been alive since 1901, so how did that work out at the DMV?

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These are the questions I need answers to.

11. And why did Edward keep repeating high school? Is he trying to torture himself? 

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My dude just enroll in college, you look old enough to be there. Why would anyone want to keep repeating high school, it makes no sense!

12. "You better hold on tight, spider monkey." Who allowed that line to get past the first draft?

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All I want to know is how Robert Pattinson managed to say that with a straight face.

13. Why can't Emmett sit down in a car?

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Clearly, these vampires have to be driving without a license because I see no possible way for them to realistically get one with their birth records, so why risk getting pulled over by a being a big old dumbo and just not sitting in the seat and wearing a seat belt?

14. Bella's response to Edward telling her he's designed to kill and wants to kill her is "I don't care"...Again, why did we think that was normal?

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Girl, this isn't a flaw that you can just overlook in a man!

15.  The paper cut scene where Edward yeets Bella into a wall...Yeah, what was that?

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Not only did Edward unnecessarily throw Bella into a wall, but he escalated the situation by throwing her into some glass vases no less!

16. Why couldn't Jacob wear a shirt in any of the movies?

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Was there not enough in the costuming budget for them to supply Taylor Lautner with a shirt?

17. And why, why, why did Bella tell Jacob to kiss her and then told Edward she didn't know what happened?

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I'll tell you what happened, you literally just made out with someone who's not your boyfriend while your actual boyfriend stood 20 feet away.

18. Why was Bella more excited to see Jacob at her wedding than she was walking down the aisle to see Edward?

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19. Just look at how happy she is to see him.

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WHY WAS EDWARD NOT GIVEN THE SAME COMPASSION?

19. And why was everyone all on board for a 17-year-old Bella to get married?

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My parents would never.

20. Did Edward have to be that extra and break the headboard/demolish the entire room?

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Think of the people who work in housekeeping who have to clean that up...

21. Can we also talk about the horrible CGI effects on Renesmee?

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In what galaxy does this look like a normal human child?

22. Jacob imprinting on Renesmee is a little much, right?

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Well, it's still weird!

23. And can we all agree that Renesmee is the worst name in the world?

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To be fair if it were a boy, Bella was going to name it EJ (Edward Jacob)...so maybe Edward should've held the reigns on the baby names.

24. Why do these movies even exist?

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I wish I didn't return to my middle school years and re-watch these movies.

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A Playlist From The iPod Of A Middle Schooler In 2007

I will always love you, Akon.
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Something happened today that I never thought in a million years would happen. I opened up a drawer at my parents' house and I found my pink, 4th generation iPod Nano. I had not seen this thing since I graduated from the 8th grade, and the headphones have not left my ears since I pulled it out of that drawer. It's funny to me how music can take you back. You listen to a song and suddenly you're wearing a pair of gauchos, sitting on the bleachers in a gym somewhere, avoiding boys at all cost at your seventh grade dance. So if you were around in 2007 and feel like reminiscing, here is a playlist straight from the iPod of a middle schooler in 2007.

1. "Bad Day" — Daniel Powter

2. "Hips Don't Lie" — Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

SEE ALSO: 23 Iconic Disney Channel Moments We Will Never Forget

3. "Unwritten" — Natasha Bedingfield

4. "Run It!" — Chris Brown

5. "Girlfriend" — Avril Lavigne

6. "Move Along" — All-American Rejects

7. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

8. "Every Time We Touch" — Cascada

9. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx

10. "Chain Hang Low" — Jibbs

11. "Smack That" — Akon ft. Eminem

12. "Waiting on the World to Change" — John Mayer

13. "Stupid Girls" — Pink

14. "Irreplaceable" — Beyonce

15. "Umbrella" — Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

16. "Don't Matter" — Akon

17. "Party Like A Rockstar" — Shop Boyz

18. "This Is Why I'm Hot" — Mims

19. "Beautiful Girls" — Sean Kingston

20. "Bartender" — T-Pain

21. "Pop, Lock and Drop It" — Huey

22. "Wait For You" — Elliot Yamin

23. "Lips Of An Angel" — Hinder

24. "Face Down" — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

25. "Chasing Cars" — Snow Patrol

26. "No One" — Alicia Keys

27. "Cyclone" — Baby Bash ft. T-Pain

28. "Crank That" — Soulja Boy

29. "Kiss Kiss" — Chris Brown

SEE ALSO: 20 Of The Best 2000's Tunes We Still Know Every Word To

30. "Lip Gloss" — Lil' Mama

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My AP Environmental Science Class' Cookie Mining Experiment Shows Why Capitalism Is Destroying The Planet

Who cares about the environment with profits this high?

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With the AP exams in May approaching quickly, my AP Environmental Science class has wasted no time in jumping right into labs. To demonstrate the damage to the environment done by strip mining, we were instructed to remove the chocolate chips from cookies.

The experiment in itself was rather simple. We profited from fully or partially extracted chips ($8 for a full piece and $4 for a partial) and lost from buying tools, using time and area and incurring fines.

This might seem simplistic, but it showcased the nature of disastrous fossil fuel companies.

We were fined a $1 per minute we spent mining. It cost $4 per tool we bought (either tweezers or paper clips) and 50 cents for every square centimeter of cookie we mined.

Despite the seemingly overbearing charges compared to the sole way to profit, it was actually really easy to profit.

If we found even a partial chocolate chip per minute, that's $3 profit or utilization elsewhere. Tools were an investment that could be made up each with a partial chip, and clearly we were able to find much, much more than just one partial chip per tool.

Perhaps the most disproportionally easiest thing to get around were the fines. We were liable to be fined for habitat destruction, dangerous mining conditions with faulty tools, clutter, mess and noise level. No one in the class got fined for noise level nor faulty tools, but we got hit with habitat destruction and clutter, both of which added up to a mere $6.

We managed to avoid higher fines by deceiving our teacher by pushing together the broken cookie landscapes and swiping away the majority of our mess before being examined for fining purposes. This was amidst all of our cookies being broken into at least three portions.

After finding many, many chips, despite the costs of mining, we profited over $100. We earned a Franklin for destroying our sugary environment.

We weren't even the worst group.

It was kind of funny the situations other groups simulated to their cookies. We were meant to represent strip mining, but one group decided to represent mountaintop removal. Mountaintop removal is where companies go to extract resources from the tops of mountains via explosions to literally blow the tops off. This group did this by literally pulverizing their cookies to bits and pieces with their fists.

They incurred the maximum fine of $45. They didn't profit $100, however.

They profited over $500 dollars.

In the context of our environmental science class, these situations were anywhere from funny to satisfying. In the context of the real world, however, the consequences are devastating our environment.

Without even mentioning the current trajectory we're on approaching a near irreversible global temperature increase even if we took drastic measures this moment, mining and fracking is literally destroying ecosystems.



We think of earthquakes as creating mass amounts of sudden movement and unholy deep trenches as they fracture our crust. With dangerous mining habits, we do this ourselves.

Bigger companies not even related to mining end up destroying the planet and even hundreds of thousands of lives. ExxonMobil, BP? Still thriving in business after serial oil spills over the course of their operation. Purdue Pharma, the company who has misled the medical community for decades about the effects of OxyContin and its potential for abuse, is still running and ruining multitudes more lives every single day.

Did these companies receive fines? Yes.

But their business model is too profitable to make the fines have just about any effect upon their operation.

In our cookie mining simulation, we found that completely obliterating the landscape was much more profitable than being careful and walking on eggshells around the laws. Large, too-big-to-fail companies have held the future of our planet in their greedy paws and have likewise pulverized our environment, soon enough to be unable to return from.

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