I made the bold choice to pack up my beloved mugs and candles, pink Keurig, endless pairs of shoes, body pillow, and too many clothes to fit into one very small closet and move into a house with three guys. Now, these men weren't strangers; one was my boyfriend and the other two have become family to me, at this point -- but, still, they were men. And I was making the conscious decision to live with them. I was prepared for what I thought this would entail: cleaning the kitchen more often than not because -- let's face it -- they aren’t all that clean, being their wing woman when they need a little help, and being forced to watch more action movies that rom-coms. I thought I was prepared, however I had no idea the impact living with these three would have on my life. And with that being said, here are 22 things I have learned from being a woman living with all men.
1. Learn how to handle the stench of a shaker cup that has been rotting in their truck for over a week.
And they have now decided to let the pungent smell sift around the kitchen for a few days before they finally clean it.
2. On the topic of smells, get ready for loudest farts you’ve ever heard, and the smelliest.
3. Always say yes when they offer to make you their infamous “mancakes” (pancakes the size of your head). Always.
4. One thing I learned early on was how straight-up guys are.
If something is bothering them, they will tell you rather than beat around the bush.
5. With that being said, if they get into arguments with each other it’s over immediately.
No awkward silent phases where you have to ask, “so, are we okay?” How refreshing is that.
6. For some reason, whenever you go the bathroom for a long period of time, regardless of what you’re doing (popping zits, tweezing your eyebrows, staring at your body, brushing your hair over and over again, or god forbid, pooping), they always ask if you just pooped.
I don’t know why, maybe it’s because guys have a hard time accepting women poop in general. I learned to just say yes regardless and then enjoy how awkward they get.
7. You’re going to have to wing woman for them, it is inevitable.
Be a homie and help your roommate bring home a babe.
8. Yes, you will be watching Sports Center 24/7 with the guys and more action movies than you would prefer.
But stay patient as hopefully one roommate will reveal his love for romantic comedies to you. Now you both can watch Safe Haven together in peace when everyone else goes to sleep.
9. Be prepared to hear the most foul things come out of their mouths.
Never take what they say to heart though, it really is just a tough guy act.
10. Take the time to learn each of their personalities; guys are much more complex than we tend think.
You might come across the “mom” of the house, the one who cleans up after everyone including yourself. You might encounter the “child” of the house, the one who the mom and everyone else has to pick up their things because they won’t. Be so appreciative of all the roles they play, they are crucial in the flow of things.
11. The first time you light your candles be prepared for them to slowly meander down to your room and ask you all about them.
Be willing to share these candles when their rooms begin to reek as well.
12. When you hit them with some emotional things be aware of how they might respond.
Just because they don’t offer to take you to ice cream doesn’t mean they don’t care. Instead when they ask who they should beat up, that’s them showing they care.
13. Appreciate all the things they do for you.
Such as cutting raw chicken for you because you get nauseous touching it, sneaking you into the bars because they worked at a gym with one of the bouncers, teaching you how to make a burger and flip a pancake, being ready to knock down the door to save you from a horrible experience no matter who tries to get in front of them, and taking too many pictures of you because you need a new picture to post.
14. Never take for granted the times they ask you for advice on women and always take their questions seriously.
These are the moments that will form bonds between you all.
15. Understand that a man period is a real thing but never let them know that.
They will be offended and upset, but in the end you’re all synced up and sensitive together so commiserate over cookies and ice cream.
16. Do not get annoyed when they freak out over your hanging bras and underwear in the laundry room.
17. Sometimes they are going to need help with simple things, just help them.
Teach them how to steam their clothes, calm their worries about tampons with a little visual aide, and try to refrain from any judgement or laughter for that matter.
18. Become comfortable with seeing much more of them than you would like to.
I’m talking nearly seeing every physical aspect on a daily basis because sometimes it’s too hot for a shirt, pants, and when you only have two pairs of underwear and one is dirty and the other one only covers one butt cheek you’re bound to see certain parts.
19. Take in every moment of morning recaps on the porch of what happened that night.
This is equivalent to chatting over lattes at a local coffee shop. You’ll learn to love the porch talks more anyway, at least I did.
20. Get ready for the most intense roastings.
On that same note, be prepared to be roasted as well. If you choose to dish it out, be ready to get it back.
21. Partake in they games they all play.
When they tell you it’s your turn to yell obscenities out the car window at an innocent pedestrian, you know what to say and you better yell it. (just don’t make eye contact with the person, I learned my lesson, #rookiemove).
22. Before you move out, make sure you thank them.
Thank them for teaching you how to cook pasta. Thank them for making sure you were okay when you had a bad day. Thank them for not laughing too hard at you after you whiffed the golf ball for the 500th time during your mandatory “family bonding” at the golf course. Thank them for feeding you more margaritas than anyone should drink because you were finally free. Thank them for then being there for you when you did not make it past 11 p.m. that night, thanks to all their margs. Thank them for telling you that you looked good when you actually got ready for the day because they are so used to seeing you in sweats and hoodies. Thank them for showing you what a loyal friend is especially in the hard times of life. Thank them for barging through a door to quite literally save you from a toxic situation. Thank them for commiserating with you on how filthy the house is as you both clean the dishes. Thank them for being the worlds best Uncles to your dog. Thank them for taking you in and giving you a place to call home when you quite literally had nowhere else to go. Thank them for letting you be apart of their family. And lastly, thank them for their true friendship and for being the best brothers anyone could ask for.
I would watch the most horrific action and superhero movies every night as long as I got to live with my “family” for just a few more months. Living with these three guys has changed me for the better, and I cannot thank them enough for that. I would suggest living with all guys to any woman out there, just get ready for the most fun you have ever had in your life.
