This week, I was going to write another article that pertained to Pride month, specifically talking about things I wish I’d known before coming out. However, that felt kind of weird, seeing as I’ve not been out very long. Instead, I did a little bit of looking into what I was going to focus on with this giant weight being lifted off my shoulders.
One of the most recent videos by Rose & Rosie (who I linked in my most recent article before this one), was about things Rosie hadn’t learned by 27. Borrowing that concept, I decided to make a list of some things that I hope to learn by 25.
This is just going to be a long list of unflattering flaws, and there might be times where it seems like I’m trying to garner sympathy, which isn’t the case. The good thing about lists like these is that they can be an uncomfortable start which gives way to something better, if you commit yourself to sticking to them.
1. How to belong.
We’re starting off with what I think is one of the biggest ones. Of course there have been times in my life where I’ve felt like I belonged somewhere, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just kind of floating out in space. I’d really like to be able to find somewhere that I feel like I belong long term.
2. How to spend my time without feeling like it was wasted.
I spend more time in my room, playing games on my phone than I’d like to admit.
3. How to be alone without being lonely.
4. How to attract more of the kind of people that I want in my life.
5. How to stop letting other people’s words affect me so much.
I can only assume that things get better after you stop allowing every negative comment made to affect you for days on end.
6. How to devote my time to people who deserve it.
7. How to get organized.
8. How to be comfortable with confrontation.
I have to stop assuming that people can tell when I’m upset about something they’ve done just because of the way that I’m acting.
9. How to get out of my own way.
I just really feel that in a lot of situations, I mess things up for myself. Whether that means assuming that rejection is inevitable and not bothering to try because of that, or acting on impulses which often lead to not going about something in the most productive way.
10. How to make my own decisions without needing input from others.
This is definitely one of those kid habits that I haven’t yet shaken. Sometimes I forget I’m an “adult” and don’t need to check with everyone before making (even the smallest of) decisions.
11. How to stick to a planner.
I’ve always felt like the people who have their lives together are the ones who keep a planner and stick to what they write in it.
12. How to not let my anxiety win.
Clearly, there will be things that it will freak me out to do, and though that makes it more important that I do them, it also makes me more prone to talking myself out of something at worst and procrastination and excuses at best.
13. How to leave the past where it should be.
Because the past is neither replayable nor fixable, and by being preoccupied with the past, I am only ignoring the present, leading to more problems for future me to have to worry about.
14. How to be a better friend.
15. How to prioritize.
16. How to disagree without fighting.
Because yelling at me has never changed my mind, so how can I expect that tactic to work on someone else?
17. How to get where I want to go.
And not be afraid of getting there.
18. How to get my sense of “good enough” from myself.
Because any other source is truly temporary.
19. How to embrace routine.
I have so many things that I want to learn to do or get better at. These things both require that I get better at embracing routine.
20. How to break routine and come back to it.
21. How to balance being considerate of others’ feelings while also not ignoring my own.
So often, I don’t speak up when I need to communicate something to someone because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
22. How to go to sleep at a reasonable time.
Seriously, 4am is not an acceptable time to be watching YouTube.
