I recently wrote a poem after an encounter with a female in the elevator of my university. The poem centered mostly around this mythical yet aggressive organization known as the Patriarchy. After getting in the elevator I noticed the girl had a really nice outfit on and she had makeup on, and at my university that usually means a presentation. So I turned to her a said, "nice outfit." She immediately responded with, "I have a boyfriend!" Now I don't know where this comment stemmed from but I responded by saying I was just saying hello and complimenting her. I also have a girlfriend and we're very happy.
So I exit the elevator perplexed and proceeded to sit in the English Department lounge and write a poem. The poem got an A in my class and I was elated that people liked it but I think the class missed the point. From the time a guy becomes of age, no matter what age you consider that to be or not to be (Shakespeare), it seems as if a simple "hello" from a guy becomes an invasion of a women's privacy and person. The fact that I, or any man, compliments a female and gets verbally attacked isn't right.
Now I went to a few female friends, and my girlfriend, to get an opinion on the matter. They overall said that it was better to be safe than sorry and that was the problem in itself. So in response to this epidemic of the "patriarchal man" I give two pieces of advice.
1. Guys, we have to pull back and call out our friends and brothers. We have to hold each other accountable to the way women feel with every comment we say. If a lady is so scared in an elevator that she has to throw up a shield and become defensive it is because their is a larger problem. Chivalry isn't dead, its masked by the outrageous commentary many of our fellow male kind are making. If you see a guy making a rude comment, cat calling, or just being a "guy" call him out. Would you let him speak to your mother, sister or wife that way. I don't think so. So step up!
2. Ladies, don't generalize the male species. Not all of us all jerks from a frat that want to make rude comments about your...Assets. Be willing to just say thank you and move on. However, still be willing to let a guy know you aren't interested without jumping down his throat( cough cough elevator girl).
In the end I found out the girl was not in a relationship and was actually in a play the school was offering. I wrote her a letter after the show to let her know how I felt and even to congratulate her on an amazing performance. In this world being a male means to hold power, and with great power comes great responsibility. We have to be willing to decide who earns that power and if and when using that power is right.
