I told myself I would stop at 20.

1. I am going to stop procrastinating on everything.
2. I am going to stop writing things on my to do list that I have already done so I can cross them off.
3. I will stop eating the entire bag of Goldfish in one sitting.
4. This is the last time I will bring more clothes to college.
5. I really have got to stop forgetting my umbrella.
6. I need to stop leaving all my homework until the exact time I get tired and hungry.
7. No more looking at the person who pulls up next to me at a red light. Too much awkward eye contact.
8. I am going to stop snacking. And eating cookies. And post-cookie snacking.
9. I will stop trying to make jokes with the people checking me out at the grocery store.
10. I will stop online shopping during class.
11. I need to stop looking up people on Facebook and then letting someone else use my phone and see that they are on my search history.
12. I really have to stop making myself laugh in the middle of class.
13. I need to stop checking my Facebook and Instagram between every class.
14. I will stop saying "You, too!" when the waitress says "Enjoy your meal."
15. I will stop comparing my pictures to pictures of people at Coachella. I will never look as cool as them.
16. I will no longer take Snapchats in public.
17. I will stop staying up past 2 a.m.
18. I will stop clicking "Next Episode" on Netflix.
19. No more t-shirts. I cannot possibly buy any more t-shirts.
20. I will stop telling myself that it might come back in style, someday.
21. Finally, no more smiling at myself in the mirror when no one is looking, because it is just creepy.

For those of you that keep these resolutions, I applaud you. For the rest of us, let's just stop being in denial.