Ladies, I know a good chunk of you are waiting to meet your perfect man. But let me tell you, finding him is sometimes as hard as finding a needle in a haystack, or a four-leaf clover. Or at least it was for me, fallen little girl that I am. But as I sit here in newly-coupled bliss, I realize that I've come a long, long way to get here. How do I love thee? I think, Let me count the ways...

1. I gained 10 pounds.

2. I kissed a lot of frogs.

3. I lost my virginity.

4. I made my parents mad.

5. I made my sister sad.

6. I read a lot of horny 1000-year-old poetry.

7. I read some contemporary pornographic literature.

8. I played the Sims.

9. I played the Sims 2.

9. I played the Sims 3.

10. I broke up my best friend and her boyfriend because I wanted her boyfriend (5th grade, people).

11. I wrote some love poems to boys monikered "Ocean Eyes" and "Sun Eyes" and "Angel Baby".

12. I listened to Odesza.

13. I had a boy text me the words "Let's talk about ramming into each other."

14. I had a loser say his bed smelled like me.

15. I had a sweetie say his bed smelled like me.

16. I ate more than 8 chocolate chip cookies in one sitting.

17. I considered going for girls instead.

18. I considered dying.

19. I realized I was acting like Bella from Twilight.

20. I realized I didn't really need a boyfriend.

21. I danced.