I just have a few questions for you, buddy…
1. Where did you come from?
2. How many of your friends and family members live in the Fordham cafeteria, too?
3. How does it feel to be a health violation?
4. Is swimming in the oatmeal a better experience than actually eating it?
5. Do you ever chill with the flies that hang out by the fruit station? If so, what are they like?
6. Have you ever seen the cafeteria rats? Do you they try to eat you?
7. Since you’ve probably been behind the kitchen, are the scrambled eggs actually eggs?
8. How many forks does the cafeteria really have? It seems like they only have three.
9. Does bathing in syrup make your skin more radiant?
10. Does sleeping on french toast increase productivity during the day?
11. Do you go out at night, too? Are you team Howl or Goose?
12. Do you also need to get a guest pass for your friends who want to visit Fordham?
13. You made it on Fordham Barstool. How does it feel to be a star?
14. Do you have a Fordham ID?
15. Have you ridden the ram yet?
16. Have you ever been FUEMed?
17. Fordham definitely saves their best food for when guests come, right?
18. Is it safe to say Fordham students can find better food off campus?
19. Do you consider yourself a Fordham or Aramark employee? Do you have health insurance?
20. Why Fordham? Of all the college cafeterias to invade, why Fordham?
21. Do you have any last words if an exterminator comes to kill you (which will probably never happen)?
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