As I write this I am fully aware of the butterflies in my belly. The little bugs causing turmoil from all their flitting and flapping around are because tomorrow is my 21st birthday (I am writing this on August 4th for those of you who don't know my birthday is the 5th). I am literally so anxious I couldn't sleep last night, and my birthday is not today, but tomorrow. But now that I have woken up, I am nervous that I'm putting too much pressure on myself and my friends to make my birthday perfect.
Since I turned about 10 years old, no one else has planned anything for my birthday but me. I planned my parties, asked for specific gifts, and made sure all of the food was exactly what I wanted. So this year I asked other people to take care of all of the details. I am so tired of planning it I just wanted someone else to do it. But I think I subconsciously wanted someone else to plan it so that if something goes wrong I can't blame myself.
I have waited so long to visit the bars near my seaside school, and I just want the entire night to go smoothly. Much like many major events in the lives of American kids, there is huge pressure for a 21st birthday to be the best and most exciting night in your life thus far. And I am definitely feeling that pressure.
I am supposed to go out dressed to the nines, eat a great, big dinner, and drink until I am consumed by the drunkenness, but not go so far as to throw up (hence the eating a big dinner). Everyone around me is supposed to also have a great night, and we are all required to have uber on our phones since we definitely won't be able to drive home later.
I hope so much the night of my 21st birthday reaches all the goals. The problem is I don't know if these things are expected for my 21st birthday because they are actually fun, or because as millennials we are expected to post about how much fun we are having (instead of actually having it).
Or does the pressure come from somewhere else? Is it because after our 21st birthday, in just a few short years we will be faced with much more responsibility, the hardships of the real world? For me specifically, my 21st birthday comes just before the start of my senior year of college. That means just a few months later I will have to graduate and enter into grad school, eventually find a job and take on college loans along with all of my other bills. Maybe the pressure that surrounds the 21st birthday of American kids is because we are told our life only goes downhill from here, and we have to make this birthday a last-ditch effort at what the world would be like without responsibility.
I am so looking forward to my birthday. But I am trying to do it because I want to have fun and enjoy the company of my friends. Not because someone is going to see my social media post or because I am scared there will be no fun in my future.
