I turned 21 last week. You see, I’ve always hated birthdays, holidays, that sort of thing. But maybe “hated” is too strong of a term. But over the years I have grown to develop this strong disliking. But 21 right?!? Despite my underlying distaste for celebrating my “special day” I couldn’t help but hold a slight bit of hope that maybe this one would surpass my non-existing expectations. I guess that’s just the thing though, I had expectations. And they were more than high. This is my demise. I spent more than the majority of my once so exciting weekend feeling sorry for myself, enlarging every thing that went wrong.

I get so fixated on life going in a certain direction. Following a path and making choices a long the way. But that's just it. That life changes and is constantly moving without your consent, without your knowledge. As usual this is a concept I've been trying to wrap my head around, to be okay with things even when they don’t go as planned. It is so easy to take these last minute changes or unexcited occurrences and sole focus on how it affects you. Why me, right? I am all too familiar with this question being asked by myself, and by others. Why me, why us. It is so important to understand that the world isn’t out to get you, but neither does it owe you anything.

To be self-sufficient and self-driving can get you a long way. Know this, understand this, strive for this. I constantly find myself talking about this; the comparison and the expectations and I want to call them to light. I am not alone in this, I know this.

So let's talk high hopes, high expectations, and the nature that is our false reality. Why we do this to ourselves? You can blame social media, or the media in general. But maybe it is our responsibility to be able to distinguish this falseness on our own prior to immersing ourselves in this culture. I have so many questions about the world I was raised in and how I think it should be verses how it is verses how it seems. These are all three very different things.