2019 scares me. It scares me more than any other year so far.
For starters, I'm graduating in May and I cannot stress this enough: I have NO IDEA what I'm doing, where I'm going, or what I even want to do. Another reason is after this year in politics, anything goes and that's terrifying but I won't get into that.
I think 2019 is so scary because I don't know what's coming which is kind of a given for every new year but I can usually foresee a little bit. For example, the past 3 ½ years, I knew that I would be returning back to the familiar campus of James Madison University with all my friends, my roommates, and my fraternity brothers. I would continue studying Dance and Media Arts and Design. I would have fun.
But this new year...I know that I'll finish up my final semester at the best school, I'll have to move out of my home on Bayberry and say goodbye to my friends, my roommates, and my fraternity brothers. But after that, I don't know what'll happen.
Will I still keep in contact with everyone I love? Will my four years prove to be beneficial and fruitful for my future career path? Should I have done more during my time at school? Will I even want to do what I've been studying for? What if I fail?
While I'm scared, don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about New Year's Eve! My friends and I are going to a swanky, fancy party--my first one like this ever which just goes to show that getting older isn't always scary. It's just once the ball drops and it's January 1, 2019, things will start being a lot more real.
The older I get, the faster the years fly by and more expectations fall onto my shoulders. Now I'm expected to file my tax returns, pay rent, get a job on top of my school work, be self-sufficient, make sure I have good insurance, make my own doctors appointments (that's probably the hardest one if we're being honest), and make my own financial and personal decisions. For anyone who has ever said that being an adult is freeing and fun, I'm here to say, it's more like extremely stressful and daunting and that's why 2019 is so scary...I have to officially go out into the world and do the damn thing. Sure, I'll have people to turn to when I need assistance but for the most part, it'll be all me.
I guess it's a bit reassuring that I must not be the only one who feels this way and that I'm not the first one to be making this switch into the real world. It also helps to know that I'm going into the new year with my friends and I'll at least have one last semester with them. So for better or for worse, bring on 2019!
